My experiments with living in the moment, one day at a time

I have started believing in the concept of ‘perfect timing’. It is for not for nothing that I was suddenly prompted to repeat my usual process of pondering, writing, some more pondering, some more writing as soon as the first sip of coffee hit the right chords at the right moment.

No amount of resolutions can work wonders if we do not pause to reflect, introspect, analyze and make sure they are doing what they are supposed to do. It is important to pause and check if we can and should continue over the path rather than be happy about some long lost thought in mind. I am not one for regretting over lost chances of resolution because regrets are the easiest means of doing nothing. But I am definitely up for making sure I do what I intend to do. Before I slip into the fantastic world of self-praising where I can go on and on about the good I do (if you believe me, the list is quite long under the light of my self-claimed two minutes to fame).

On a serious note, the pondering about resolutions is about my desire to live one day at a time. After my unexpected, unlikely, adventurous but let’s call it memorable rendezvous with the big C, I was unknowingly pulled into significance of ‘being in the present’. I programmed my mind to do so as one of the most efficient steps to get through the rather most difficult times. Call it survival or adaptation, I enjoyed the blissful world of being in the here and now. No amount of worry seemed to stop me when all I had was to take care of the one thing in front. I can label it as blessing in disguise because it empowered me to focus over what is important.

 The useless habit of procrastinating about the future was neatly transformed into working in the present. All of a sudden as though a magic eraser worked its charm, there was no record of the past and no botheration about the future when I was contented with all the possibilities of the present. They say we shouldn’t dig into unpleasant past memories, hence the intention of this article is not to expose those occurrences, but rather to see how they help me today. I was happily living in the moment, taking one day at a time. 

With complete focus over the present, the significance of ‘this is it’ shone in bright colors. I was more receptive to the things around me in the present tense. I didn’t realize everything seemed so perfect in the here and now. Suddenly there was an unexplainable magic in observing the birds, sky, trees, clouds for they had never met me in the same way before. Or rather I didn’t make any efforts to meet them earlier. The new found urge of taking it one day a time made sure I was seizing every moment to the best of my abilities. There was a renewed sense of joy to do the same things but with a newer approach. As if all I had is just this and nothing else, I was contented to experience it in the rawest form.

Living one day at time made me happy to work in the present tense with accompanying happiness at the very same moment. It did not erase away sorrow or anger. It wasn’t a quick-fix to ensure unlimited stock of joy. But it was a successful attempt to not bother about something that made no difference to life as it unfolded. If you observe closely, you will realize the excessive usage of past tense. It was then that I chose to live in the moment, so how am I doing it today? Rather, am I even continuing it today to reap the innumerable benefits of here and now?

This post is to find out what significance it holds now? Am I able to live in the moment years after the experience or was it just a temporary solution to a permanent problem?

Should I continue to practice the act of not bothering about the future when all I have and possibly will ever have is ‘this’? Or should I quit ‘the one day at a time’ mission for the rather ambitious project of forever?

Is it necessary to use the one-time opportunity of uncertainty as the foundation or is it advisable to forget about it completely?

Years after the experience, it is difficult to be in the moment, yet it is not impossible to not do so. I enjoyed every moment of it back then and I hope to do so for the rest of the time. All the magic of appreciating the present and living a wholehearted life seemed to disappear into thin air as if the uncertainty vanished forever. But now as I pen down the benefits, I realize the need to continue over the path. Reflecting over the resolution has made me understand that the beneficial effects outweigh the primary cause that put me into it. All that matters is the happiness instilled into me as an unexpected side effect and I see no harm in continuing to do so.

I can live in the moment, one day a time for that is all I have and meant to have. You can disagree with the thought or you can apply a different viewpoint for we live different lives in a different set-up. I find happiness in sharing the experiences that make me, without the slightest intention to preach. Writing these thoughts is my way of sending it out to the universe, hoping to be reminded whenever and wherever I am off it.

I can only label them as experiments because that is what they will continue to be. Till I master the art of not drifting away, while keeping the ‘now’ in focus, there are many things to be accomplished. But I truly believe in the hidden motive of the universe. I owe it for putting a slight end though not a complete one to the unnecessary act of procrastinating. When unwanted worries are at bay, there is scope for productive thoughts in the present.

How do you succeed in staying true to what you believe in? Do you need frequent revisits to your resolutions or do you flawlessly adopt them into your system?  

Stop wishing, and start believing?

    How often have you heard yourself say “I just wish this comes true” or “I sincerely hope it happens”? If you are like any other human with a little beating heart and a huge thinking mind, chances are you do hope/wish/pray quite often than you actually sit to notice. Or in case I shouldn’t talk on your behalf, I can strongly state my inclination towards hoping and wishing. Though I realize the pointlessness of wishing against the measurable parameters of working, I tend to slip into the well of hopes and wishes rather involuntarily. It is said there is no use of wishing or hoping when you can actually do something about somethings. 

  Wishes and hopes are like castles in the air without any blueprint, design or necessary resources. Instead it is important to start working on the project to see the output in constructive terms. Now in an ideal practical world, I would definitely find myself subscribing and adhering to this philosophy about hopeful thoughts. I would happily shut my mind to not think about what it wants rather work towards every single idea cropping in its remotest corner. But then, neither am I in any ideal practical world nor will I achieve such high level of self-control to not think at all. Mind is known for wandering and hence it will always do what it finds the best in most of the situations.

 Why such sudden emphasis on thoughts, mind and the related philosophy? The answer lies in my recent pondering over the value of wishes and hopes. And because I will not like to think alone, let me pop the question for your introspection too. Should we continue wishing and hoping for situations to turn in our favor, though they appear nowhere close to what we desire? Or should we quit the mission after a certain threshold of patience? Is there any weight-age to sending out thoughts in the form of wishes or is it useless to expect that things will work out just because we believe in them? To put it the other way, should we stop wishing and start believing about what we want in life? Rather than an imaginary hopeful thought, does it help to believe that it will eventually turn true? You may be able to resonate with this question if you have heard about the significance of sending our vibes to the universe. They say if you believe in a certain situation turning true, it will eventually materialize.

 The problem arises during the long waiting period that demands every ounce of our patience. We may be investing the best form of our efforts with detailed attention to every input from our end, but it may not reflect over the output. During vulnerable times like these, it is important to continue working towards our goal, no matter where it may seem to drift away. The significant factor is believing that things will turn in our favor. Delayed outcome is still an outcome at the end. Whether you stop believing in your goals or continue working hard no matter how impossible it may seem is the real question in place. In such circumstances, I like the idea of believing that things will work out eventually. Because no matter how strong you feel from within, there is a limit to how long you can continue wishing? Unless you are extremely patient in even the most uncertain situations, there comes a time when you cannot think or act any further. At such times, it helps to continue believing instead of just hoping.

  I feel believing in your efforts and trusting in your inputs takes you first step towards the desired end. There is a huge difference between wishing in the air and actually visualizing the results in your head, no matter how imaginary they may seem. I agree this high-end philosophy only sounds good in words. I must confess that these ideas are easier said than done. When the stock of patience seems to exhaust, nothing can come to the rescue. Vulnerability of situations takes away the best of a person, leaving hollow space of nothingness. It is during situations like these, when you need to start believing.

 I understand plain belief cannot turn an undesirable circumstance into a desirable one in a matter of few minutes. But it can at least restore faith and energy when everything is at its lowest. Instead of succumbing to your patience and giving up because you cannot seem to find the end in sight, it is beneficial to simply believe. I know believing is not the same as doing, but it can at least keep us going. We realize the significance of faith and trust when everything seems to pull us down. Rather, the positive thought that yes somewhere, sometime, somehow everything will fall in place gives more comfort.

 I cannot advocate plain thinking because I do not understand its value, but I can definitely vouch about the power of believing, if and when life seems to fade into some sort of uncertain darkness.

So, what is your take? Would you rather stop wishing, start believing, do both of it or none of it?

Signals from the universe

  

   Pardon me for such a cliche title with a cliche topic, but I did receive a signal from the universe to pick this one and ponder to my heart’s content! Before you abandon my post for another eye-catching title followed by an equally sensational content, let me get back on track. I believe I can divide the readers of this blog into two categories- one who believe in the existence and influence of signals, messages, intuitions, dreams, beliefs, and direct connection with the world around, and the others who dismiss the idea as totally fictional, only created by movie makers and authors to create unwanted sensation. The point is not to identify your group and read the post with a prejudice. 

Neither do I intend to evaluate the right from the wrong or analyze the usefulness or uselessness of talking to the universe. You may or may not do the above said activity as per your stem of faith. I will not touch that sensitive domain of personal beliefs, but I am tempted to share what, why and how I feel about this interesting concept. Kindly read it with a pinch of salt. And again, as I always say (more like a universal mantra of all my posts), you are absolutely encouraged to disagree, agree, reject, ignore or applaud. After all, as long as you are not within my arm’s reach, what is the harm in disagreeing?

  Coming to the title in question, do you believe in signals from the universe? 

Is there something that connects us to the universe as a whole? 

Should we or should we not pay attention to these links of communication or are they just tricks to convince our mind into doing something?

 While you think about it, let me start with a disclaimer. Do not overthink and find yourself lost in a dense forest of nothingness. There are no right or wrong answers to it, so kindly activate your sense of humor, before we step forward.

 If you ask me (or even if you don’t, I will take the liberty of answering ;)) I do understand the occurrence of these signals, only and only when my mind must be tricked into believing something. If there are conflicting interests that don’t seem to erase the confusion come-what-may, I hunt around for such signals and convince myself about the perfectness of those decisions. In simpler words, if I am having a tough time to get my mind on board, I use the tactics of these universe signals. I am not sure if they do the actual work, but they seem to do their part in supporting my mind morally. Signals from universe are designed to remind us about the perfectness of our decisions. While we are engrossed in finding out whether we are heading towards the right direction, anything that reminds us even in the slightest way seems to work wonders. Suddenly, I find myself delighted and excited as though the universe has approved. I agree these beliefs are hinting towards mind-games, but as long as it does not harm and helps one achieve their ideas, there is nothing wrong to say the least.

 We cannot consider these signals as confirmations sent out from the universe because after all they are created by us, believed by us and implemented as per our desire. We can only use them as rightful pieces of moral support.

But what constitutes these signals, you ask? There is no clear or direct signal that qualifies to be titled as the perfect wireless communication from up above, but it is more or less centered on my thoughts, intuition, and perfectly timed occurrences. If all of this sounds too imaginary, let me elaborate through certain real-life situations to help relate better.

1.       You think about something and sincerely hope/wish/pray/beg/or do whatever form of wishing you do to get it. Suddenly, while you are at it, you hear a song with that reference or look at an image which points towards it in a larger frame of context.

2.       You are walking on the road thinking about your next big plan/project/ desire/ assignment/duty/responsibility and you observe random words on billboards or shops that hint towards the same in some form.

3.       You end up having conversations with numerous people who elaborate some form of the same situation you are looking at.

4.       You hear or read about aspects that relate to your central dominating thought in different ways, for example- same location, story, movie, person, relationship etc.

    Though I believe more in actions and less in thoughts, I do enjoy the occasional play with signals from the universe. Look around for signals, interpret them my way and enjoy a good laugh. I find happiness in this one-way signaling where my antenna seems to trap messages, though they are not really sent from top above, but crafted from deep within. They serve no good purpose except entertaining my mind because at the end, these are nothing but figments of my imagination. Stressing it over and over again to make sure the humor is delivered well- these signals are purely fun-filled pieces of belief. Nothing can validate, warn or authenticate if we are incorrect or correct except the strong belief in ourselves. So, in case you plan to head out hunting for these signals outside, remember to first seek them somewhere on the inside.

How good are you with these signals? Are you able to interpret them or you don’t seem to bother?

Can we agree to disagree?

   Call it maturity or enhanced sense of understanding, I find myself at peace whenever and wherever I end up disagreeing with those around me. The old self-confessed ‘perfectionist’ me would have hated the thought of not being able to weave others into my thoughts. Or that same ‘perfectionist’ I would make every possible effort to prove a point in any and every manner. But now the new ‘choose your battles wisely’ self (more on this in another post) finds it easy to not bother about agreement or disagreement. There is nothing outstanding or exceptional about it, but the ability to disagree with someone without slightest hint of arrogance, superiority or friction is something worth pondering. While I often self-congratulate myself for this new found sense of maturity, I am tempted to think about the concept of ‘agreeing to disagree’.

  Can we peacefully agree to obey differences of opinion or does it turn into our agenda to turn every person’s opinion our way come-what-may? 

 Is it really essential to be a people pleaser who is perfect and gets nods in every aspect of life or is it okay to do something different that does not fit into the universal mold of acceptance? 

 Is there something wrong if we agree to disagree or should we influence these differences one way or the other to gain agreements from everyone around us? 

  What is the harm in agreeing to disagree or do we fear rejection from the society if we cannot keep everyone on our page?

   Now while you ponder about these unusual questions that may or may not have entered your chain of thoughts in the past, let me take you through my thought-process. And the best part of this exercise – you can agree to disagree right from the first word moving forward. Though I wouldn’t deny the immense happiness of getting a perfect feedback where all of you would agree with me, I will still manage to shake hands with my new found contentment.  I believe there is lot of power in the concept of ‘agreeing to disagree’. There is no harm in expressing your opinions. There is nothing wrong if the world does not understand your side of the story or finds it difficult to not form a completely contrasting judgement of the tale. As long as you are sure of your take with conviction, there is fun in ‘agreeing to disagree’.

 So let me take the liberty of justifying disagreements and wait for your agreement over it.

1.       The value of taking your stand and staying true to what you believe in outweighs the temporary happiness of pleasing people. This temporary happiness will make you feel happy for a really tiny, short while that may not be worth it.

2.       Each one of us is entitled to our opinions. The efforts of transforming someone’s disagreement into agreement will drain away that much needed energy for more productive work.

3.       Where does the process of converting opinions end? Because it is practically impossible to convince everyone is it really needed? As we begin to realize the process is worthless to say the least we are able to make peace with it every step of the way.

4.       Expressing this disagreement in a good form is the real challenge. How we communicate our difference of opinion is the trick. Whether we choose good words and peaceful speech or blurt out anger and end up fighting like hot-headed coals can change the entire experience.

5.       When such conflicting situations tend to bring you down, think about what matters the most to you. If you value self-respect and choose self-love over the need to be a people pleaser, you can make peace with not wanting to agree with others but at the same time expressing your heart and mind in the clearest possible way.

 I completely agree stating these thoughts in black and white is not as easy as it seemed when I started with the post. We all go through wide array of experiences – good, bad, happy, sad. And it is only natural to go through diverse experiences with those around us. It does not matter whether we agree or disagree as long as we know how to value the underlying bond of love and affection. Understanding the concept of ‘agreeing to disagree’ as a statement of literature is one thing, and implementing it in reality is another. We may agree to its benefits but whether we are able to implement it while swallowing our ego/pride/arrogance is the reality that only time will tell.

 In introspect, agreeing or disagreeing may never be the main concern as much as we make it to be. Our in-built nature to seek approval may drive us towards this urge but if are able to trust our beliefs without slightest scope for doubts, we are good to go. But again, this depends on what clicks your thought-process. There is nothing right or wrong about it. With this, I leave you all on an open note- 

What matters – agreeing with yourself or agreeing with everyone, but yourself?

Know-it-all or understand-it-none: the new age digital attention span

    I take the liberty of defining a new term in this post. Though ‘attention span’ is a recognized concept in our vocabulary pointing towards the kind, quality and duration of attention rendered by the receiver, ‘digital attention span’ is born out of the new age world of digital life. This form of attention is absolutely short, distracted and impatient- to define it in the shortest possible way. It happens to all of us. No matter how well you defend your stand, we all are guilty of being impatient while accessing information in today’s world of connectivity. We have all the necessary means to understand a concept from any end of the globe or learn about any phenomenon of any field at any time, but is it everything or are we lacking something? I cannot take your opinions for granted, but my digitally active, virtually available, constantly connected, and ever-inquisitive mind does not believe in not knowing it all but seems to understand only a tiny bit of everything.

 This is the result of having all types of accessible information within arms’ reach (or rather in this case finger’s reach) but not able to process it with patience right till the end. Let me explain this through couple of cases and see if it rings true for you.

1.       Case 1: You are reading or working on something. You come across an unknown concept – you google it to find out what it means. One link on the article takes you to another and another and another. Slowly and steadily you have access to numerous articles but manage to understand only a tiny bit. You either quit reading because it seems to make no sense at all or is irrelevant to your original search. Or as it happens in most situations- you are restless or distracted within one-third length of the article.

2.       Case 2- You are enjoying your daily dose of social media intake. While browsing through photos, posts and updates- you come across catchy articles with absolutely catchy headlines. Some of it seem totally related to your current situation in life. You read a bit, only to extract little sense or end up clicking other interesting links within it.

3.       Case 3- You subscribe to e-newspapers, newsletters and influential blogs (because you are not just all play and no work on social media!), you find an article relevant with an aim to seek some knowledge, learn new tips and tricks of the trade or to sound well informed in your social circle. Again you grasp a little, only to find yourself attracted to some other hidden concept or embedded article.

4.       Case 4- You are hanging out with your group of friends. You end up disagreeing over something and use google as your ultimate decision-maker. Each one of you open a website, read an article, get some information, and resolve the conflict, only to prove the point and not understand it completely.

 The underlying base of each of these scenarios is the same. Thanks to easily accessible internet on our smartphones, we can find out anything and everything with ease. But call it an ill side-effect or distracted attention span, I seem to know it all but understand just a little. It is easy to jump from one source of information to another and enjoy unlimited access to so many resources. Yet it is also easy to not understand it the way it is meant to be. 

 There is no harm in the unlimited access, the harm lies in not using it well. Also, there is no need to know it all, but rather it is important to stay focused and gain adequate knowledge. I find it similar to touching the surface of the soil and deciding what lies beneath instead of digging it to get the correct picture. As I pen this thought from my mind, I realize it is essential to make conscious efforts and stay focused to understand it better. Access to unlimited knowledge imparts a rather snobbish sense of knowing-it-all, only to realize the knowledge is surface deep. There is no depth to the knowledge base unless we invest adequate time to gather it through reliable sources.

  I am tempted to infer digital attention span is often about quantity and not quality. This pushes me to remember and avoid short attention spans as much as possible. It is not necessary to know everything. We cannot possibly be experts on every subject or gain degrees to every possible fields. But at the same time, we cannot justify the short attention span and not make any efforts to learn, understand or concentrate over matters that truly matter. If we allow digitally influenced attention span to cast its spell over other faculties of life, we will lose the essential ingredient of concentration. I do not intend to demotivate the influence of virtual access, but at the same time, I want to ensure adequate focus whenever and wherever it matters. I sense an ‘old-school-ish’ attitude in my thinking, but then not everything in the new school is perfectly correct!

 The key is to use digital access to our advantage. It is perfectly understandable to not know it all but it is not okay to lose our focus over something that we are supposed to comprehend in the first place. Distractions on digital media manage to whisk us to a faraway unknown territory, only to realize we are not meant to be everywhere, every time. Call it a new form of peer pressure or some kind of digital inclusiveness, we make attempts to sound knowledgeable about any trending thing on the internet- no matter how little we seem to care or how little we actually understand about it.

What is your take on the new age short lived digital attention span? 

Am I the only over-pondering blogger who believes in its existence or have you experienced it too? 

Are you guilty of not paying enough attention or are you convinced of understanding it well, just the way it is meant to be?

Chasing the mirage of perfection

  

   How often have you thought to yourself “I want it to be absolutely perfect”? How often have you caught yourself hoping/wishing/dreaming/thinking about the ‘perfect’ life? And how often do you strive hard to chase a perfect outcome, though the journey seems anything but perfect? Growing up, I always thought perfection is absolutely doable.

  What is so difficult about being perfect or rather what is so impossible about it? You decide, you plan, you execute and there it is perfection at its best. Only if life was so simple. Because as maturity takes over childlike immaturity and reality takes over dreamy illusions, you are greeted by the bitter truth of impossible perfection. Rather I will like to put it this way – ‘Perfection is overrated’. May be what we need is pleasure not perfection, what we need is enjoyment and satisfaction. By saying so, I am not against perfect things in life. Neither am I against the need to improve ourselves and be perfect in everything we do. But I feel unnecessary stress over perfection can take away the joy of doing things.

 Pondering over this brought me to the thought in title. Can I link mirage and perfection in the same sentence because that is how it truly feels? Or is it possible to achieve perfection like we reach the end point in a race? Can we be completely sure of reaching perfection or does something always seem amiss? It is not possible to define perfection in a clear manner. It is subjective to individualistic perception. In fact it is not even necessary to equate perfection for every single person and set a universal benchmark. To each his own is the rather suitable thought when it comes to it. The harm is not in investing efforts to get something as desired. The harm is when we extract all the fun from a task under the pretense of gaining perfection. Being perfect is not the ultimate measure of success. Ability to enjoy the process, find purpose in our efforts and follow passion with all our heart is the underlying theme here.

  Many a times, the need to be perfect blinds us in the journey. We are unable to take one step at a time and savor the process with an open approach. All our energy is drained to reach some non-existent milestone that takes away the fun while at it. It works as a joy-killer because it is difficult to embrace the present. Tuned to achieve perfection, we fail to appreciate the joy - right here, right now. Make perfection a target if the desire is to accomplish your tasks. Make it a priority in order to fulfill your responsibilities. But do not treat perfection as a measurement of your success. Because no matter how hard you try something somewhere will seem short. Though you may put in every possible drop of input from your end, somethings may change in an unexpected manner. It is not for nothing that we bring circumstances to the picture. Because situations can change at the most unexpected moments, it is essential to factor them too. No wonder there is lot of weight-age to the saying ‘Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst’. With all this significance to circumstances, it is only essential to change our perception towards perfection. As long as we consider it as a guiding light towards the final deadline, we are good to go. But unfortunately, if we turn obsessive to be perfect come what may, the experience is not so memorable to say the least.

 You may not be perfect at everything. Or you may not be perfect at all. Nothing to worry as long as you work hard and follow your dreams with a positive outlook. There is always room for criticism. Even if you believe to be perfect, there are people who may not consider it so. There can be judgments and critical analysis to your rather perfect work. Because there are no tests to measure perfection or no certification methods to judge perfection in any form, it wouldn’t be incorrect to compare it to a mirage. You believe to touch it down the line, but fail to do so in reality. Don’t aspire to be perfect, rather aspire to be better version of yourselves every passing day. 

 We may not realize it but often the madness to reach the so-called perfection may turn us insensitive towards others. In the rat race to do everything perfectly, we may hurt our loved ones in the process. There can be hidden instances of jealousy, hatred or anger under the pretext of demanding perfection. As long as we take charge and understand the consequences, there is nothing to worry about. It is only when things take an ugly turn towards compulsive perfection, the end results can be disappointing. At the end, it is important to clear out our goals. Is it happiness we seek for our happy minds or the unrealistic target of perfection for our pompous ego?

 All these thoughts prompt me to link perfection to mirage. What is important is to enjoy what our heart says. Follow dreams because they leave a long-lasting experience of happiness. Perfect or imperfect does not matter, what matters is you stayed true to your efforts with a positive attitude.

While I leave you with these words, I will like to hear your stand too.

Unrealistic like a mirage or absolutely real like painted signs on the road- what is your take on perfection?

Anticipation- the slow joy-killer

   

  Let me start this post by defining the term ‘anticipation’ in order to be in the same boat, moving forward. The state of excitement while looking forward to an event in the future or an act of expectation to hope things work out as planned gives rise to the big A of anticipation. It relates both to desirable and undesirable situations and to happy and feared events, making it a universal word in every circumstance. We spend a lot of time anticipating/thinking/dreaming about the big day, only to realize it goes away in a matter of few minutes. On the other hand, if it is something we are fearful about, we prepare/plan/worry and it passes away quickly. Doesn’t it happen often? You are planning a big vacation to some exotic location. You plan, read, research, book, think, and get excited days in advance only to realize the actual vacation was so short. Or you are worried to face the final examination and spend more time worrying about it, while it was not so scary, after all?

   It is good to be excited about a future event. It is extremely essential to prepare ourselves for the big day. And last but not the least, it is important to don our thinking hats and plan every detail to avoid last minute confusion or disappointment. But do we overdo it sometimes, squeezing away all the fun before it actually happens? Do we anticipate a lot in advance, only to realize the loud noise in our heads was totally unnecessary? I cannot talk on your behalf, but I am definitely guilty as charged. I understand the habit of over-anticipation may be one of the primary reasons of not extracting joy in the here and now. 

  After practicing the interesting mantra of ‘living in the present’, I have sudden realization that anticipation may be unnecessary to a certain extent. I am not against preparation or planning. I understand the significance of being excited for that happy event, while looking forward to the big day with every possible ounce of energy. It motivates and pumps up enthusiasm to keep us geared towards the final sense of joy. But can anticipation turn into a forceful habit that can kill the happiness much before it occurs? This post is an attempt to find out.

Do share your agreement/disagreement over it. Do you or do you not anticipate? Are you strong enough to shut your mind from imagining the worst case scenarios? Are you focused enough to not fear about the final test, while investing every possible effort into the project in hand? When I think about anticipation, I sense lot of thoughts building up to the situation. There is overflow of what to expect, what can happen, how exciting will it turn out, what could go wrong, what could go as planned etc. etc. There is no harm if anticipation takes the form of preparation. But there is harm in expecting too much and not enjoying it when it actually unfolds. What is the need to know how it may turn out, when you cannot predict the future? Why do we fear going with the flow? Why do we imagine/predict/expect/anticipate? Is it our own little way of preparing our mind and making us feel more ‘in-control’? Can anticipations empower us to extract more fun or do they disturb the actual happiness by creating prejudices?

So many questions, so little answers! If I should answer these rising doubts, my think-tank points towards a proper balance between planning and enjoying. There is no need to predict every possible detail because it will only kill the real happiness. Go with the flow and take things as they come. While as humans it is necessary to plan and be prepared, at the same time, we shouldn’t be overdoing it. We cannot plan happiness, we cannot plan failures, we cannot prevent disasters; we cannot create forced success beyond our control. Then, why do we anticipate so much? Why imagine happiness in our heads rather than allowing surprises to work its magic?

To stay away from too-much anticipation, here is a list of possible ill side effects. They can act as reminders to my wandering mind who enjoys the first opportunity to anticipate!

1.       Anticipations act as slow joy-killers because the tendency of thinking too much in advance takes away pleasure of the actual event.

2.       It prompts one to imagine all the worst case scenarios, creating unnecessary fear for something that does not need over-thinking.

3.       It can take away the fun if we expect too much about something, rather going with the flow will prevent disappointment.

4.       Anticipation in every kind of situation may turn into a habit, forcing one to think under the disguise of ‘being prepared’.

5.       It takes away precious time of the present, running as unnecessary distraction in the background.

6.       Unnecessary anticipation known to yield no good output does not deserve our attention. Rather than essential actions such as planning and preparation that is definitely essential – anticipation can take form of daydreaming and imagining, good for nothing but distraction.

7.       Everything happens for a reason, going with the flow and embracing everything with an open attitude is the need of the hour. Anticipation does not take away the pain or prepare us for failures, then what is the use? Why worry?

8.       Anticipation can increase restlessness, fear and anxiety to create too much out of nothing. In case of happy events, it can create a larger than life image and make us disappointed if things do not go as per plan. Quitting anticipation is the perfect way to avoid unnecessary pressure.

9.       Avoiding anticipation is like creating room for surprises. It is living with a clean slate and being excited about what comes next. Sure, it may not go as desired but is it worth spending precious moments in present for something far ahead into the future?

   After starting this strong determination to avoid anticipation, I am still not there yet. There are vulnerable moments where I jump into over-anticipation and ruin the desire to not do so. But then again, improvements need practice. Here is to less anticipations, more mindfulness, less expectations, more openness because anticipations are nothing but slow joy-killers.

 What is your take over it? Do you believe anticipations help you prepare better or do they kill your joy too?

Old-school habits die hard

    I do not intend to sound old while I frame this post, but all the buzz of New Year and new beginnings has tempted me to think over old and new. Days and years pass by, bringing new techniques over the obsolete past. For example, who had imagined an ‘all in one’ smartphone will start to rule our lives in every possible way. From being our traditional phone for communication to being our camera for those much needed selfies, from providing a calendar to notepad, calculator to diary, entertainment screen to encyclopedia, it has invaded many aspects to dominate over every role. Amidst the smartness of this intimidating smartphone, it is difficult to stay true to our roots. And smartphones are not alone in plotting these monopolies, they are joined by e-books, tablets, netbooks and numerous other interesting gadgets whose sole aim is absolute dependency. 

   Having said this, I do enjoy the convenience of their smartness. The innovative solutions offered by technological conveniences only make it easy for us to march ahead. Yet, there is a little old-school self in me who refuses to quit some of the old habits. No matter how convenient, time-saving and easy it is to swipe a gadget and accomplish few tasks, I still prefer the old-school style for those actions.

  While following these actions in daily routine, I was tempted to write a little something about them to celebrate their continuity. Call it being true to ‘tried and tested’ formulas or finding contentment in preserving tradition, the underlying essence of old habits is to do something you love for the joy of simplicity. There is nothing wrong in adopting new style or rather it is absolutely correct to try out new trends for progress. But there is some magic in preserving few old techniques. If one can balance the innovative essence of future with a little charm of good, old past- the resulting outcome is nothing but a ‘joyous and happy present’.  

 Stay with me as I take you over some of my old school habits with a big smile. Shout out a big ‘yes’ if it resonates with you too or write back your disagreement if it seems too outdated for your taste. In either case, I will learn how old are my old-school habits, anyway?

1.       Can’t bid good-bye to my dear notebook

 I may not be writing a lot in my notebook, thanks to the digital notebook right in front of my eyes at this moment, I still maintain a physical book for my happiness. With dependence over laptop, the purpose of this physical notebook is more sentimental than practical, but I still need it. This notebook is like a trusted go-to friend in any and every situation. And though I may hardly use it for practical purposes, all the valuable scribbling enters right into without any second doubts. It gives me the feeling of preserving my thoughts because I seem to trust physical words over the virtual ones on screen. Or it may just be an unreasonable old me who thinks writing in a book is more real than typing on screen. Whatever be the reason, I cannot bid good-bye to my dear notebook. It is my companion since three years now. In light of the need to avoid paper wastage, I do not use the pages often, but its presence is comforting.

2.       Dear physical calendar - smiling on the wall

I strongly believe this post will turn embarrassing by the time I type the last word, but again happy to admit. Though that tiny, little, cute calendar on my phone is doing an incredible job, it cannot replace the physical calendar on the wall. And I don’t print it out just to keep a copy, but if luck shines bright every year, I manage to get one and it reaches the same dedicated spot. I realize the trend of physical calendars will stop soon, in that case I will be happy with the memories.

3.       Whiteboard -where reminders get real!

Nothing says “Urgent, need attention” like the words scribbled over our whiteboard on the refrigerator. No matter how many reminders are neatly noted on my phone, only the ones on the whiteboard make it to the finish line. It does the same job like the typed ones, in fact the convenience of reminders on the go is much useful than the physical board at home, yet there is lot of seriousness when you read “RENT/BILL or GET MILK” on the board over the automated reminders over emails.

4.       Touch books- touch knowledge

This little incident can be recorded in world history as the most unbelievable reality but I actually refused an anniversary gift from dear husband! I must be one of the rarest women to do so, but I happily rejected an e-book reader to preserve the affectionate love for physical books. Though I don’t buy books and only borrow them from the library, I cannot agree to the concept of e-book readers just yet. I am sure I will have to change the outlook for easier, convenient and possibly the only means of reading in the future, but till then I am not willing to part away from words that stand true on pages.

5.       The serious sight of the pen stand

The fact that pens are hardly used today is a sad reality for our present and future. But it is also good to avoid excessive usage of paper, wastage of trees and unnecessary documentation that can be recorded virtually. Hence I am totally on-board to reduce usage of paper except that one notebook with me since three years. But talking of the pen stand whose sight makes me feel serious and responsible, I am happy to place it on my table. It holds pens that are years and years old and received as gifts, but their being there is just comforting to the old-school mind. It feels as if you are excited to meet new people and build new friendships, but not without the support of your dear old buddies.

Things like these need sentimental point of view over practicality. Though I am happy about the old school habits, I realize the need to keep upgrading myself in order to adapt to the circumstances. Yet, you can always preserve some habits of your old- school self as a souvenir to your beautiful memories.

What do you think- should you follow some of the old habits just for your mind or should you walk away from these sentiments for a much practical outlook?

‘Here and now’ over ‘there and then’

Being 'here and now' helps! That's how I could capture this beautiful view right out of my window, while tuned to my usual routine of just another day :) 

  There is something inspiring about a new beginning that drives us to stay true to beneficial changes. Another way of saying – ‘New Year is the perfect opportunity to make resolutions’. Now, I am yet to test the power of my determination because like most of you, my New Year resolutions disappear into thin air by the second or third week of the month. But there is no harm in making attempts and when life throws in sunshine, why not bask under the glory for a short-while?

  Keeping this determination alive, I am prompted to be ‘here and now’ rather than being ‘there and then’. Why this trick game with prepositions, you ask? Or why this sudden inclination towards ‘Zen’ like experiences?  The answer lies in an unexplainable form of happiness derived in the span of short moments. In the usual race of life, we tend to live less and worry more. If you break down the actual active moments of your life – you realize most of them are spent in anticipation of what happens next? And for those of you who seek some form of assurance in memories- it is spent in evaluating the past. It applies to both the good and bad. If we are planning for a joyous event or looking forward to a fun trip- our mind takes us on several imaginative rides before it actually happens. On the other hand, if we are about to embark a new project, we think about all the possible ‘worst-case’ scenarios under the pretext of ‘being prepared’. But is there a need for all of this? Can we make an attempt of not thinking and just doing? Is it possible to live in the moment rather than imagining days, weeks or months ahead without any reality quotient?

  This is an open question without any right/wrong answers. What it needs is a determination to be where you are supposed to be. Why worry about something way ahead into the future when you know things may not work as per your imagination? Why be happy about that upcoming party before it actually happens and squeeze out all the juice? 

   I agree being ‘here and now’ or taking everything that the present has to offer is not as simple as resolving to spend more time with family or promising to call your friends more often. It is much more complicated and fails due to the complex nature of our mind. The ability to think, analyze, process and experience makes our mind quite different at every level. It cannot ‘not think’ and ‘just live’ for it has many responsibilities to its name. Also, I cannot possibly advocate just live because we need to process our life in an organized way to enjoy the opportunity. But, what I strongly believe is that we must make an attempt to think only when required. Do not imagine/worry/expect and assume things beyond your control. Plan as much as needed and leave the rest to the actual event. I am not sure how much of this resolution will work for me because I may end up jumping at the first opportunity to overthink. But all of this overthinking does more harm than good. It turns into a habit that drives you to avoid the present under the disguise of doing something constructive for the future. Rather, we can resolve to include a dedicated ‘planning’ slot in our schedule where we think about ‘to-do’ things for the future. Instead of distracting the present for the future, we must learn to be here and now. The ability to take the present moment in its complete stride prepares us to be truly happy.

  I realize a hint of philosophy in this concept because it is easier to preach but much difficult to follow. But since we must start somewhere, I resolve to be attentive to the present. By savoring every moment of our life with a conscious mind, we only add happiness to the journey. It is not possible to quit thinking or not worry about how things shape up. But it is still possible to embrace the good and bad with an open attitude. There is no alternative way to avoid tears, sorrow or disappointment. Being in the moment does not make one immune to every emotion. It only makes us more receptive to every experience with open arms.

   I believe being here and now is the way to enjoy life as it unfolds. I am not against planning because that is the way to ensure smooth journey in our course. But I feel alien about overthinking how life will turn out to be? Why can’t we go with the flow and experience things in the raw form in the way they are meant to be? Why imagine, analyze, fear, worry, bother about a future event only to spoil the reality of present. Living in the past or dreaming about the future is the perfect way to escape the present. No wonder it turns into a good escape route to avoid all the chaos of here and now. 

  

  Live in the moment to understand how everything is important for our being. Focus on the things within our reach rather than regret at a later stage. The classic example of this reality is our school life. When we struggle with studies in school, we dream of being independent and free as adults and not worry about exams. But only when that reality stands right in front, we miss all those carefree moments of childhood. Though we would know it right then and there that adult life will bring its own baggage, we cannot resist thinking about freedom. This thought process translates to every situation in our journey where we assume happiness on the other side of the bridge, while failing to observe the bridge as we go.

I believe constant reminders can prompt my mind to focus on the present and stay in the moment, though it will want to do everything otherwise. While it will definitely depend on the situation, it is important to be here and now as much as possible.

 What is your take on the thought? Will you elect more planning and less living? Is over-analysis an essential activity on your to-do list or will you leave it to time? Does it make you feel in control when you plan every single detail or do you believe in the surprise element of circumstances?

Avoiding the unavoidable- Say ‘NO’ to comparison

   Yes, it sounds like some sort of campaign; and yes, I wanted it to be just that. Campaigns have a strong track record of success because bombarding someone using the same set of authoritative words again and again does seem to work. It instills the essence of reminders, making someone at least conscious and aware, if not being able to make them follow to the T. This campaign of saying no to comparison is a style of reminding myself that comparing with others is absolutely incorrect. I cannot speak on your behalf but I can confess with certainty that comparisons do tempt me to put myself in that particular situation. I do not do it as a ‘to-do’ task in hand, but I am guilty of flowing in a stream that eventually leads to comparison. There is no jealousy involved, but temptation to correlate situations with those around.

 I completely agree it is pointless to compare myself with someone or draw parallel to someone’s life because each one of us is in a different boat, sailing over totally different ocean; but like they say if our mind was so sane and matured, we would be great human beings today. So while that greatness is illusion to say the least, I can at least do something to say no to certain ill aspects and a big yes to happiness.

Thus, if you haven’t figured it out yet, the campaign in title is my attempt to ponder the why, what and how to avoid comparisons. Why is there a thrill to see what we have or what we don’t? What is the motive behind thinking about where we stand against where others are? One thing is certain these comparisons aren’t about materialistic factors. I am sure we all are way beyond petty comparisons about assets or materials. But, the comparisons in our mind often correlate with where one stands or what stage of life one reaches?

 This concept of comparison has been dancing around in our society since the past. We tend to label it with fancy terms like ‘motivation’, ‘inspiration’, or ‘positive thinking’, but somehow we often fall into the pit of comparison. I agree with the beneficial effects of motivation by looking at inspirational real-life examples from people around us, but I do not understand direct linking between person A and person B. “Do this, because person X has done it” or “Look at person Y, he has achieved this, why can’t you?” Sometimes, it is necessary to push little kids in order to get them going, but comparisons between two individuals never seem to work. We can put a complete stop to such kind of comparisons in open, in fact no one ever does this anymore. But what about that little speaker in our head. How do you deal with the judgmental voice in your mind who jumps at every opportunity to compare with someone? We may not be doing it purposely but unconsciously at some level we tend to correlate, extrapolate and look at how it fits into our picture. Again, if you are one of the matured individuals who never ever does this, I salute and urge you to share your amazing secret with us. But if you are someone who does it in the background without realizing - well buddy, join the club!

  Each one of us has a timeline, agenda, schedule chart or priority of our own. Call it our unique journey or novel path, it is impossible to run parallel along with someone else. As a society we do follow certain guidelines for our major life events ascending from step to step. But again, exceptions do work or ‘so-called’ rules can be modified. The goal is not to tick off a level and reach the next one as part of a game, but the underlying aim should be pure happiness. I understand not everyone may agree with these views. I also understand our elders are forced to enter into some sort of comparison mode to remind us of our goals. Hence, we may not be able to defend ourselves against something that arises out of pure concern, but we can stop from hurting our own mind whenever these comparisons are crafted from within. Why will we want to fall into self-pity or feelings of sorrow by linking ourselves with someone else? As far as we know the reason behind why and what we do, there is no scope to compare and spend our time in sadness.

I could go on and on about why comparisons are incorrect. In fact now as I read it, I am surprised how do I even think about comparisons in the first place? But the problem lies in losing such high level of maturity at that one vulnerable moment when everything breaks down and comparisons seem realistic, drawing us more and more into self-pity. I believe it activates some kind of philosophical mode that makes us think more and understand less.

So dear mind, while I can’t predict when you will start your sail into the waters of comparison, I am sure I can pull you back with one important question. Next time you are tempted to push me into comparisons, kindly answer the following to win the right to take me ahead,

“Does the comparison equate at every level?  This does not mean equating age, gender, family, city, upbringing, lifestyle or interests. Because the answer could easily be a strong ‘Yes’, but are our priorities, situations, responsibilities, goals and outlook exactly the same like the person in comparison?”

  It can never be! This will be enough to help us avoid the unavoidable. Say ‘No’ to useless comparisons because life was, is and will never be a race. Sure, someone will get something much before us, will achieve something totally unique, and will seem to ascend life stages at certain age bracket, but how does that seem to bother you? Is success universal or it is personal? Can we consider ourselves successful if we fulfill 100% of societal expectations or when we achieve 100% of our personal goals? Because both of this can never be the same, you will have to pick one.

  Each one of us has our own experience book in hand- as long as you can answer your dreams, face yourself in the mirror with a smile and achieve happiness as planned, why bother?