Sip 2: Experience of going from ‘Lush black’ to ‘barren land’

   

     When I first thought about making my mug list, I was naturally inclined to include all the exciting and unique experiences that were worth in every way. Needless to say, it meant happy and desirable adventures because that is how we are programmed to think. When we frame a list of memorable experiences so far, we are naturally bound to rely over the happy ones. But what about some experiences that are undesirable, yet unique? What happens to those forced adventures that were not wanted at first, but seem exciting over a course of time?

     All these questions are necessary for today’s sip in line because of its unusual nature. It was a task that seemed impossible but turned out to be an interesting adventure in its own way. It was difficult at first, but liberating at the end. And it seemed out-of-the-world initially, but absolutely normal in due course of time. I must stop my long list of contrasting adjectives, before I lose my readers in the process of this mysterious description.

      Coming to the point, this next sip is about ‘going hairless’ or practically ‘bald’. When forced to part ways and bid good-bye to my lush black field (thanks to a certain health condition), I was anxious about my feelings at first, only to realize that it was totally interesting and fun-filled. If I made a reverse bucket list based on what I wished to do in the first place, this content would never qualify. But after I was forced to deal with it, I feel it was a memorable episode, worth enough to be featured here.

  To state that hair is an essential part of feminine beauty would be an understatement. At times, hair is all we can think and talk about as it offers an opportunity to change looks and appear presentable. Hence, I was definitely no different when it came to this external piece of beauty. Though I never played with my looks or experimented with my hair, they still occupied an essential part of my system. Thus the thought of parting away from them was heavy, difficult, troublesome and overwhelming. Though my hair could never win the title of ‘Best Hair’ if I ever entered into some beauty contest by mistake, they at least deserved the chance to participate in one. But with barren land, I did not stand a chance to even ‘stand’ for it, making me realize that I was about to enter into an unknown territory for some time.

   There is something in this universe that trains you to accept whatever comes your way. I am surprised as I write this, but chopping off my locks and losing hair did not feel difficult at all. All the anxious thoughts were limited to my mind alone, as when we finally approached the hair-dresser, everything seemed normal. Mind is truly capable of playing all kind of games because the output was totally different from what I had imagined. While I was sure about shedding loads of tears and using this opportunity to create some melodrama at home, I was shocked at the reality. As I smiled and joked about losing my asset, I was looking forward to this interesting experience. And when I say it was fun-filled, I truly mean it because I even created a song and dance over the same (highly praised and applauded by the only viewer in audience- no prize for guessing, it had to be dear and poor husband!)

   This entire episode made me realize that if you make peace with your situation, the outcome will definitely leave you spellbound with its stock of surprises. I never imagined I would actually say this, but losing hair came across as a blessing-in-disguise. Nothing can beat the relaxation of removing off my hair piece after a long hot day in the scorching heat. Talk about perfect timing, because the sun has chosen to throw extreme heat in our city for a long time now.

   We are often grounded by the so-called acceptable norms of the society. Though it is impossible to categorize everything in life as clear black and white, we tend to label things and shame the unusual with embarrassment. I also adhered to this thought sometimes as we all have some fixed notions in our mind. Thus needless to say, the thought of playing with my identity seemed absolutely abnormal. But when situations make one helpless and leave no options whatsoever, you realize that everything is possible. Going bald may be one of the most unique experiences for me, because I never imagined about it. It introduced me to my inner strength, making me realize that external factors may fade away, but what shall remain is the spark from deep within.

     Though turning hairless is a small, little episode, it shall always stay strong in my memories. I cannot claim that all this was absolutely easy. If it wasn’t for the support of my family and friends, I would not be able to accept the reality of being bald for a short stint. Experiences like these remind you that people love you for what lies within. What shines over the surface will make you one with the system, but what shines deep within will empower your entire system forever.

    It was supposed to be an undesirable side effect, but today I look at it as a valuable experience. It entered into my life with sorrow, but brought me closer to the happiness and satisfaction of loving myself. It dug deep into my system to make me fearless. I definitely did not sign up for the experience or register myself to this adventure, but forcibly as it made its way into my life, it was amazing. There was something noteworthy and good about this experience, otherwise how could it make an entry into my mug-list?

     

The ‘mug list’

 

   If you are virtually active in today’s world, chances are you must have heard the word ‘bucket list’ more often than expected. Though this word is part of our vocabulary since several years in the past and has nothing to do with the essence of modern times, it did not receive much popularity back then. With increasing influence of social media, higher exposure on internet and easy means of traveling as compared to the yesteryear, ‘bucket list’ is back on track. But bucket list is not about travel alone. For those of you who are still clueless about this bucket list, let me frame my version of definition.

Bucket list (noun): List of unique experiences that one desires to accomplish (at least once) in their lifetime.

    This can include any and every experience that one believes to be interesting – traveling, activities, adventures, daring tasks or simply any desired dream. While bucket list runs in the future tense as it is something you hope to do down the line, many people choose to make a reverse-bucket list. This reverse list includes all the once-in-a-lifetime experiences that one has already accomplished in their journey so far.

   But, what is the relevance of this bucket list in my blog post? Or why this sudden spread of knowledge about bucket and reverse bucket list, when the title says something else? While looking around at nature and drawing inspiration for my next blog post (because that is what bloggers do), I came across the idea of framing my reverse-bucket list. And naming it as ‘mug list’ was just my idea to give it an interesting name. Let me clarify there is no such word in the dictionary, before you grab one with the hope of finding it. While ‘bucket’ is something big you wish to do in the coming years, ‘mug’ is what you have already done before. Hence, I shall present my mug list or reverse bucket list filled with unique experiences that make them truly special.

   My aim shall be to talk about some of the best moments and adventures so far. Each of these experiences that have been accomplished in the past qualify to enter into the list based on their uniqueness and joy. This mug list will be featured as a series, with one experience every week. While I frame my list and take you to the world of my experiences, I will love to know about your list too. Do send your reverse bucket or mug list with some of your memorable adventures to relive its joy again. Though I do not do pasts or futures to make the most of present, my aim is to extract happiness from their memories. I do not intend to live in the past, but I definitely hope to enjoy that smile, once again.

  Before I begin, let me clear the coast with a declaration. Pardon me if some of my larger-than-life experiences may seem little or usual to you. That is the reason why mug list or bucket lists are meant to be customized as per one’s interest. What may seem interesting to me may come across as a usual task for you, hence kindly take it with a pinch of spice!

  Sit back, relax, read and rejoice as we enter into the series of my ‘mug-list’, one sip at a time.

Sip 1:  Experience of watching advance movie screening for review as part of the press

    After writing reviews of 65 low-budget movies and documentaries for close to two years now, I was surprised with my new-found interest towards entertainment. While watching these movies as private videos on the humble screen of my laptop, the experience was nowhere close to a big screen. Hence, when life threw the opportunity to review a commercially successful movie ‘The Hitman's Bodyguard’ inside the theater, I could not contain my excitement.

     Attending advance screening of a movie is no big deal, it is possible to grab this opportunity as a regular viewer too. But, what made this experience unique was my interesting role in the same. Instead of watching it as one of the movie-goers, I was viewing it as a movie critic from press. Seeing my name on the press-list gave me three complete seconds of fame, at least in my head! With reserved press seats and responsibility of writing an honest review, this experience was definitely one of a kind. Besides, mandatory switching off of cell phones coupled with frequent rounds by the security made it absolutely unique.

  While this opportunity was truly enjoyable, taking my husband along and bragging about it for days on end posed as cherry on the cake. A fan of action-comedy, when my husband was able to watch an advance screening as part of the press, he was equally thrilled. While he was excited to watch a much anticipated movie, I was delighted to be able to show-off! After all how can one lose the opportunity to remind a husband about his star-wife? So much was the fun in this self-bragging episode that after the director of movie liked and re-tweeted my review, I announced my decision to move to Hollywood, LA! But apart from the jokes and fun in bragging about this unique opportunity, the experience was truly memorable.

    Though it was just a small opportunity, it truly meant something different. It is during moments like these when you realize that there is so much to life than the usual routine. Though the review was just another piece of my writing, the experience was totally fulfilling.

   It is rightly said that one must measure their life not by years, but by the number of unique experiences. Such moments bring us closer to the real joy of being alive. Bucket or reverse bucket lists are not just about traveling to overrated exotic locations or participating in adventurous activities. You do not need long vacations, heavy budget or enormous fortune to bring your list to life. Those overrated contents are good for creating some buzz on social media. What you really need is a desire to seek happiness in your unique moments.

  Think about your mug-list and let us sip this fun together. Till I return with my next post, keep smiling, keep enjoying, keep sharing and yes, keep reading!

P.S: The movie was really amazing and we enjoyed it thoroughly. You can find my review here (pen name: Lavanya) http://redcarpetcrash.com/movie-review-hitmans-bodyguard/ 

Dear Husband - It may be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Do not be hopeful about watching every single movie from the never-ending list you gave me last evening. 

‘Mind’ matters

   

    Back home, everyone is geared to celebrate the most beloved day of the year. A day that marks freedom for our country, Independence Day means a lot to each one of us. And hence the blogger in me could not resist the temptation of featuring this ‘freedom’ in one way or the other. But, this is not a conventional patriotic post to talk about our country. I am about to use this ingredient of freedom in a unique, offbeat recipe.

      While last year, I blogged about the meaning of being free in today’s progressive society, this year I plan to do something different. This post will talk about freedom of ‘mind’. Independence to that little fellow who is seated in each one of us. Through the post, I want to communicate with our minds and urge it to be free. I want to tell this mind to stay away from any preconceived notions or judgments. I want this mind to enjoy every experience with open arms. I want to request this mind to untangle itself from any long chain of thoughts and be alive in the open. I want to urge it to stop holding onto the past or jumping into the future. Indeed, a long list of ‘wants’….

   Our mind is nothing less than a dynamic factory, churning millions of thoughts day in and day out. A workshop of thoughts, emotions, feelings and ideas, it is truly hardworking in every way. But do we really take care of this factory in an efficient manner? Are we able to be friends with it and enjoy its presence? Are we able to let it wander in a free style, yet control it for our own good? Are we above our minds or is our mind above us when we drift away into an endless sea of thoughts? Do we control its actions and reactions or do we let it command over us? And finally, what does it mean when we say ‘our mind’ is free?

  So many questions but no fixed answers. With this post, I do not want to push you into some philosophical maze, while you struggle to find your way out. But, I wish to talk about this significant ‘player’ in our lives. A lot is said about mind, but it is one such aspect of our lives that cannot be defined in any clear terms. Each one has a different opinion about what mind means to us or what mind does to us. 

     According to one of the lessons in Bhagawad Gita, mind can be our greatest friend or it can be our worst enemy. The choice to make it our friend or enemy lies in our hands. We can either choose to be with it and treat it as a fellow mate or we can allow it to control us, making us an aimless follower. If we decide to go with the latter, we realize that mind is able to make us dance to its tunes. Slowly, it captures our thought process completely and forces us to act the way it wants us to.

   That does not mean, mind decides bad for us. By staying optimistic, we can ensure flow of good thoughts. Or by practicing meditation, we can experience positive vibes. But, let’s be honest with ourselves. Is it possible to have such strong control over our minds that it shall not drift away at the first possible opportunity? It will be incorrect to talk on your behalf and forcefully include you in my club, while I share my beliefs. 

    No matter how many tons of patience, optimism, happiness and peace I order and purchase for this little friend, they always fall short. And hence at the next available opportunity, it runs to grab negativity, judgments, anger, hatred or irritation. It starts to behave like a small child who demands and prefers chocolates and candies over nutritious food at home. This makes it essential to train our minds for our own good always. Unless we learn to cut our thoughts at the right time, it is impossible to expect any external help. Mind will always do what it does best- think, think and overthink. But it is up to us - either we entertain it or reject it.

  We allow it to be ‘hurt’ easily. But what is this ‘hurt’? It is nothing but fragment of our imagination. Just because someone opposes us or disagrees with our opinion, we are ‘hurt’ with their differences. Or if someone choose to lace their words with anger, we are ‘hurt’ by their behavior. When things do not go our way, we are again ‘hurt’ by the entire experience. In each of these aspects, you will realize that being ‘hurt’ was your choice. It was not enforced. 

    What others think about you or how they treat you is none of your concern. Hence, it is essential to free our mind from such useless thoughts that yield no output. We can sit for hours thinking about a bad experience or how someone treated us incorrectly. But will that change the past or improve the future? Rather, we must urge our minds to embrace freedom. That does not mean, we can let it wander aimlessly. It simply means we must free it from unnecessary thoughts and engage it into productive work.

   To conclude, I will write an open note to this mind, after all it is our dear friend.

Dear Mind,

 Hope you are doing well. We talk so much about you but never to ‘talk’ to you. Hence I chose to write this short note.

Thank you for your presence, your positive vibes, your concentration and determination.

Sorry for not stopping you at the right time, while you wander around in judgments, criticism, hatred and anger.

I promise to take good care of you and request you to be free. Be free from the need to behave in a certain manner and enjoy yourself thoroughly. Take care of your needs and learn to walk away when the atmosphere starts to choke you. Learn to keep your room clean and get rid of all incorrect thoughts. And lastly, enjoy the experience of ‘minding’ me!

Yours truly,

A well-wishing body!

…because haste may lead to waste

 

    At the beginning of this post, I want to start by admitting that it is difficult to praise your spouse openly. And if the age gap is just one year with enhanced essence of friendship, it becomes more difficult. Yet, I will be doing just the opposite and making a sincere attempt to talk good about my better-half. But, why this sudden appreciation and affection? Well, because the topic of this post is completely inspired by my husband’s approach in life. For a person who believes in performing every task with patience, silence, dedication and determination, this title is borrowed from his diary of thoughts.

  So much is his insistence towards a calm and detailed approach that it even reflects in his long bathing sessions. But I will save that piece of humor for some other post in future, when I am tempted to dig into some fun. Coming back to the title, I always believed in performing all my tasks at a fast pace to accomplish more within a day. For me it was more about quantity than quality. And I must admit this approach may tend to change the overall prospective towards life. In the race to do more, I was tempted to finish a task without looking at the end result or the manner of work. Haste to do a job may often lead to a waste product as the focus is more towards getting something at the end - somehow or anyhow.

    Rather, if we learn to enjoy the process and concentrate on it with complete attention, we can definitely obtain happiness. My transition towards a non-haste approach was not an overnight process. I had my share of arguments where I insisted about the lack of time or more activities in the plate. But that is when I realized, it is not about how much time we dedicate to each task but about what approach we adopt for that little duration. Hasty approach forces us to compromise on the end product, making it a default style forever.

    This unknowingly turns into a habit that reflects over our attitude. I am always amazed at my husband’s dedication towards his work. Be it simple act like watering the plants or doing the dishes, his approach bends towards soaking himself completely into the experience. My inclination tends to fall over multi-tasking, while his style is towards one single task at a time. In today’s fast pace world, it may not be possible to adopt a slow and detailed attitude, but I am learning the art of adding more value to that short slot of time. 

    Enjoy every task with devotion and you shall be amazed at the experience. It is good to work fast and meet all the deadlines, but it is equally good to find a balance and enjoy it. Anyways you have to dedicate your time for a task, why not devote that with more attention. Enjoy every act with a smile is my take-away message from my husband’s experience.

    Another relevant aspect in today’s world is easy distraction. With more usage of social media apps, websites, smart phones and easy access to virtual connectivity, one can easily get distracted in the process. And I must admit that I am no different. This makes it essential to draw a line as per our requirement. It is another quality that I am learning from my husband to curb my fear of missing out. Less haste, more patience is my new ‘mantra’ to enjoy a better output. The aim is not to run behind more success but to walk towards more happiness.

  All this definitely sounds good when we read or write it in a philosophical mode. But, how much of it is actually possible? In order to convert it from an imaginary thought to a practical project, I am listing some of my ideas. Do add in your thoughts in the comment section. You may agree or disagree with the idea, but do share your views. Either ways, your approach will inspire a new chain of thoughts.

1.       Focus on one task at a time. Multi-task in case of time crunch, but avoid such a situation with proper planning.

2.       Time your tasks and work within the set time frame. Improvise after numerous attempts and make a customized schedule for yourself.

3.       Keep distractions away or refuse to entertain them. If you lack self-control, you can keep your phone at a physical distance to avoid temptation.

4.       Make an attempt to extract happiness from a task. This can force you to concentrate.

5.       Learn to cut stray thoughts from your mind. The habit of running into an imaginary world or walking into a dream land at the next possible opportunity can lead to wastage of time.

6.       Attitude of finishing off a task in haste to enjoy more of free time can lead to compromise in quality, rather assign yourself some free-time or me-time and enjoy it only within that slot.

7.       It is practically impossible to follow your schedule minute by minute or hour by hour, but you can always work in that direction to achieve at least some percentage of that goal.

8.       Cut thoughts of past and future. This will force you to enjoy present with full concentration.

9.       Compete with yourself to gauge your improvement. But do not compete with others while performing your tasks. Customization is the key to ensure happiness.

10.   Do not consider any task as insignificant, unnecessary or small. You may spoil the experience with your preconceived notions. After all, it is essential and hence you are doing it.

11.   It is natural to feel lazy some days. Also some tasks may seem more enjoyable than others. Find ways to make boring job interesting. Listen to music for boring chores or hunt for some temptation to continue it.

I am working on this patient approach to get more out of life. Do share your beliefs and let us inspire each other.

P.S: Dear Husband – I definitely deserve something in return for such an open appreciation. Trust me, it was not easy at all! 

The Cancer myths (because someone had to say it!)

       Talking about my heroes in the previous posts was truly an enjoyable experience as it brought me closer to their affection. I hope my readers enjoyed those humor filled punches as much as I did, while I wrapped it within my choice of words. This brings us to yet another post that is close to my heart. But does that mean ‘C’ is the only thing I shall write about from here on? Or the sensitivity of the issue makes it an exciting topic to write about? If these questions correspond with the thoughts in your mind, let me clarify my views right away. No, cancer is not the only thing I shall write on. With this post I will terminate the ‘C’ series and move on to other topics in the future.

      Coming back to the title, what are cancer myths or why should one talk about them? ‘Cancer’ is a dreaded condition that we all fear to think about. Just like everyone else, I was numerous steps away from anything to do with cancer. Apart from reading and studying about it as part of our routine curriculum, there was no reason to look at any other aspect. Hence, when life chose to give me a practical session of it, I thought about ways to share my experiences with others. 

    They say when life throws lemons at you, you can always make a refreshing lemonade. And while you can gulp down that entire lemonade yourself, you can even share it with others. An up, close and personal experience with this ‘C’ made me realize that there are numerous myths and misconceptions about the condition. Yes, it does trouble the body and mind to a certain extent, but it is not something that stops you from ‘being alive’. Till we refuse to look at it as a life-threatening disability, we cannot think beyond it in any way.

DISCLAIMER:

1.       This post is truly my own personal experience that does not represent other cancer survivors in any way.

2.       These are my opinions that may contradict with your beliefs either completely or partially. Kindly take it with a pinch of salt.

3.       Again, the myths that I have shared are ‘myths’ as per my opinion. You may not hold the same misconception or you may not consider it to be a myth.

4.       It does not represent any opinion from the medical fraternity.

   Already bored with the long disclaimer? Don’t worry. I do not intend to write a serious and emotional story about my journey. The only aim of this write-up is to contribute my opinions as they originate from a first-hand experience. I do not want to force my readers into thinking about cancer, but I believe if I am able to spread a positive message from my journey, it can definitely benefit someone, somewhere. Experiences are bits of knowledge coated with reality and hence I want to make use of them to help others either directly or indirectly. If it is able to inspire even one cancer-fighter or caregiver anywhere around the world, I shall be delighted.

1.     Myth: Cancer is a death sentence

Reality: It is a life statement

             Cancer is often regarded as a death sentence, while I beg to differ. In fact cancer is what has taught me to live. It has shown me the value of life, forcing me to live each moment fully. Without thinking about past or future, it has truly pushed me to live one day at a time with open arms. Today, I definitely savor whatever comes my way with more enthusiasm. 

      To put in simple words, it is acting as an amplifier. More feelings, more determination, more hard work, more happiness, more energy and more of everything. I was busy taking life for granted and hence this cancer has shown me the right way. I can definitely say I am living more each day than what I was before. And if you think it is too philosophical to be true, you are definitely mistaken. There is something about ‘snatching’ mentality. If you know, someone will snatch or take away something from you, you tend to hold it tight and take care of it even more.

2.       Myth: This and that must have caused cancer

Reality: There is no way to find the reason

   It is easy to sit and play the blame game. Once cancer is diagnosed, the blame can be put on anything and everything that one deals with. Food, lifestyle, career, behavior, thoughts, clothes, life choices – there is so much to spot and point. But the reality is there is no fixed way to find the root cause. While it is always beneficial to adopt a healthy lifestyle, it is not possible to pick one reason and regret. Hence, I refuse to entertain any sort of blame game or theories as none of those are true.

3.     Myth: Treatment is painful, full of medicines and makes life difficult

Reality: It is manageable with a strong support system, determination and trust

     It is definitely complex with lot of things to take care of. But that is why a good team of doctor, nurses, family and friends make everything easy. Just like any other trouble, medicines work if taken with trust and positive thought. Pain does make one weak, but it also gives ways to come out of it. After all life is what we make of it.

4.      Myth: Person turns into a patient and prisoner

Reality: Person remains what he wants to be

   Yes, it is essential to take care of health with greater care towards nutrition and rest. But it does not turn one into a bed-ridden patient or a prisoner confined within the walls of a house. It is equally possible to travel, shop, have outside food, work as before and live like any other human being.

5.      Myth: It is a matter of bad luck

Reality: It is just a matter of time

Everything pertaining to luck comes under the radar - from zodiac sign to stars, vibes of the house to style of living, everything is questioned and believed to be at fault. But I strongly believe one cannot do much about things that are not under one’s control. Rather than hunting for the cause of problem, it is essential to work on the solution. Sympathy and pity about bad luck will not change it in any way.

6.       Myth: Life is uncertain, transformed and fearful. ‘Sacrifice’ and ‘compromise’ become the middle name

Reality: This logic pertains to all

     Uncertainty of life applies to all. Situations and circumstances are unknown to each one of us, hence it is nothing different. There are several confusing choices, sacrifices or compromises to be made in future, but again that holds true for any individual. It is true that cancer does not promise anything good, but when did ‘non-cancer’ status guarantee anything great! By saying this, I do not intend to spread negativity or fear in any usual course of life, but I definitely intend to take away the ‘negative’ tag linked to cancer.

 

   Having said this, I will definitely say make healthy choices for a happy life, but do not stress yourself with what is good or bad. If one day some reports say tea or coffee is good for health, the other day it is declared bad, if one day cereals are said to be good, some other day you will find those same cereals are harmful.  If gym and yoga are good, so is simple walking or jogging. Nothing is perfect but everything is beneficial. There is no equation that guarantees a prosperous and happy life. It is up to you to figure out what works for your system. Enjoy every moment with happiness, stay positive, live life fully, seek opportunities, laugh more and live more. Make yourself happy, others will find ways to make themselves happy. Take it one day a time that is how it is meant to be.

P.S: If even for once in life, you wanted to do something for a cancer-fighter or survivor, now is the time. Share this blog among your network and let us spread some inspiration. I am definitely not someone great to preach things to others, but I am positive to make a little difference. It may help someone with their fight, and that will eventually help mine!