Avoiding the unavoidable- Say ‘NO’ to comparison

   Yes, it sounds like some sort of campaign; and yes, I wanted it to be just that. Campaigns have a strong track record of success because bombarding someone using the same set of authoritative words again and again does seem to work. It instills the essence of reminders, making someone at least conscious and aware, if not being able to make them follow to the T. This campaign of saying no to comparison is a style of reminding myself that comparing with others is absolutely incorrect. I cannot speak on your behalf but I can confess with certainty that comparisons do tempt me to put myself in that particular situation. I do not do it as a ‘to-do’ task in hand, but I am guilty of flowing in a stream that eventually leads to comparison. There is no jealousy involved, but temptation to correlate situations with those around.

 I completely agree it is pointless to compare myself with someone or draw parallel to someone’s life because each one of us is in a different boat, sailing over totally different ocean; but like they say if our mind was so sane and matured, we would be great human beings today. So while that greatness is illusion to say the least, I can at least do something to say no to certain ill aspects and a big yes to happiness.

Thus, if you haven’t figured it out yet, the campaign in title is my attempt to ponder the why, what and how to avoid comparisons. Why is there a thrill to see what we have or what we don’t? What is the motive behind thinking about where we stand against where others are? One thing is certain these comparisons aren’t about materialistic factors. I am sure we all are way beyond petty comparisons about assets or materials. But, the comparisons in our mind often correlate with where one stands or what stage of life one reaches?

 This concept of comparison has been dancing around in our society since the past. We tend to label it with fancy terms like ‘motivation’, ‘inspiration’, or ‘positive thinking’, but somehow we often fall into the pit of comparison. I agree with the beneficial effects of motivation by looking at inspirational real-life examples from people around us, but I do not understand direct linking between person A and person B. “Do this, because person X has done it” or “Look at person Y, he has achieved this, why can’t you?” Sometimes, it is necessary to push little kids in order to get them going, but comparisons between two individuals never seem to work. We can put a complete stop to such kind of comparisons in open, in fact no one ever does this anymore. But what about that little speaker in our head. How do you deal with the judgmental voice in your mind who jumps at every opportunity to compare with someone? We may not be doing it purposely but unconsciously at some level we tend to correlate, extrapolate and look at how it fits into our picture. Again, if you are one of the matured individuals who never ever does this, I salute and urge you to share your amazing secret with us. But if you are someone who does it in the background without realizing - well buddy, join the club!

  Each one of us has a timeline, agenda, schedule chart or priority of our own. Call it our unique journey or novel path, it is impossible to run parallel along with someone else. As a society we do follow certain guidelines for our major life events ascending from step to step. But again, exceptions do work or ‘so-called’ rules can be modified. The goal is not to tick off a level and reach the next one as part of a game, but the underlying aim should be pure happiness. I understand not everyone may agree with these views. I also understand our elders are forced to enter into some sort of comparison mode to remind us of our goals. Hence, we may not be able to defend ourselves against something that arises out of pure concern, but we can stop from hurting our own mind whenever these comparisons are crafted from within. Why will we want to fall into self-pity or feelings of sorrow by linking ourselves with someone else? As far as we know the reason behind why and what we do, there is no scope to compare and spend our time in sadness.

I could go on and on about why comparisons are incorrect. In fact now as I read it, I am surprised how do I even think about comparisons in the first place? But the problem lies in losing such high level of maturity at that one vulnerable moment when everything breaks down and comparisons seem realistic, drawing us more and more into self-pity. I believe it activates some kind of philosophical mode that makes us think more and understand less.

So dear mind, while I can’t predict when you will start your sail into the waters of comparison, I am sure I can pull you back with one important question. Next time you are tempted to push me into comparisons, kindly answer the following to win the right to take me ahead,

“Does the comparison equate at every level?  This does not mean equating age, gender, family, city, upbringing, lifestyle or interests. Because the answer could easily be a strong ‘Yes’, but are our priorities, situations, responsibilities, goals and outlook exactly the same like the person in comparison?”

  It can never be! This will be enough to help us avoid the unavoidable. Say ‘No’ to useless comparisons because life was, is and will never be a race. Sure, someone will get something much before us, will achieve something totally unique, and will seem to ascend life stages at certain age bracket, but how does that seem to bother you? Is success universal or it is personal? Can we consider ourselves successful if we fulfill 100% of societal expectations or when we achieve 100% of our personal goals? Because both of this can never be the same, you will have to pick one.

  Each one of us has our own experience book in hand- as long as you can answer your dreams, face yourself in the mirror with a smile and achieve happiness as planned, why bother?