Anticipation- the slow joy-killer

   

  Let me start this post by defining the term ‘anticipation’ in order to be in the same boat, moving forward. The state of excitement while looking forward to an event in the future or an act of expectation to hope things work out as planned gives rise to the big A of anticipation. It relates both to desirable and undesirable situations and to happy and feared events, making it a universal word in every circumstance. We spend a lot of time anticipating/thinking/dreaming about the big day, only to realize it goes away in a matter of few minutes. On the other hand, if it is something we are fearful about, we prepare/plan/worry and it passes away quickly. Doesn’t it happen often? You are planning a big vacation to some exotic location. You plan, read, research, book, think, and get excited days in advance only to realize the actual vacation was so short. Or you are worried to face the final examination and spend more time worrying about it, while it was not so scary, after all?

   It is good to be excited about a future event. It is extremely essential to prepare ourselves for the big day. And last but not the least, it is important to don our thinking hats and plan every detail to avoid last minute confusion or disappointment. But do we overdo it sometimes, squeezing away all the fun before it actually happens? Do we anticipate a lot in advance, only to realize the loud noise in our heads was totally unnecessary? I cannot talk on your behalf, but I am definitely guilty as charged. I understand the habit of over-anticipation may be one of the primary reasons of not extracting joy in the here and now. 

  After practicing the interesting mantra of ‘living in the present’, I have sudden realization that anticipation may be unnecessary to a certain extent. I am not against preparation or planning. I understand the significance of being excited for that happy event, while looking forward to the big day with every possible ounce of energy. It motivates and pumps up enthusiasm to keep us geared towards the final sense of joy. But can anticipation turn into a forceful habit that can kill the happiness much before it occurs? This post is an attempt to find out.

Do share your agreement/disagreement over it. Do you or do you not anticipate? Are you strong enough to shut your mind from imagining the worst case scenarios? Are you focused enough to not fear about the final test, while investing every possible effort into the project in hand? When I think about anticipation, I sense lot of thoughts building up to the situation. There is overflow of what to expect, what can happen, how exciting will it turn out, what could go wrong, what could go as planned etc. etc. There is no harm if anticipation takes the form of preparation. But there is harm in expecting too much and not enjoying it when it actually unfolds. What is the need to know how it may turn out, when you cannot predict the future? Why do we fear going with the flow? Why do we imagine/predict/expect/anticipate? Is it our own little way of preparing our mind and making us feel more ‘in-control’? Can anticipations empower us to extract more fun or do they disturb the actual happiness by creating prejudices?

So many questions, so little answers! If I should answer these rising doubts, my think-tank points towards a proper balance between planning and enjoying. There is no need to predict every possible detail because it will only kill the real happiness. Go with the flow and take things as they come. While as humans it is necessary to plan and be prepared, at the same time, we shouldn’t be overdoing it. We cannot plan happiness, we cannot plan failures, we cannot prevent disasters; we cannot create forced success beyond our control. Then, why do we anticipate so much? Why imagine happiness in our heads rather than allowing surprises to work its magic?

To stay away from too-much anticipation, here is a list of possible ill side effects. They can act as reminders to my wandering mind who enjoys the first opportunity to anticipate!

1.       Anticipations act as slow joy-killers because the tendency of thinking too much in advance takes away pleasure of the actual event.

2.       It prompts one to imagine all the worst case scenarios, creating unnecessary fear for something that does not need over-thinking.

3.       It can take away the fun if we expect too much about something, rather going with the flow will prevent disappointment.

4.       Anticipation in every kind of situation may turn into a habit, forcing one to think under the disguise of ‘being prepared’.

5.       It takes away precious time of the present, running as unnecessary distraction in the background.

6.       Unnecessary anticipation known to yield no good output does not deserve our attention. Rather than essential actions such as planning and preparation that is definitely essential – anticipation can take form of daydreaming and imagining, good for nothing but distraction.

7.       Everything happens for a reason, going with the flow and embracing everything with an open attitude is the need of the hour. Anticipation does not take away the pain or prepare us for failures, then what is the use? Why worry?

8.       Anticipation can increase restlessness, fear and anxiety to create too much out of nothing. In case of happy events, it can create a larger than life image and make us disappointed if things do not go as per plan. Quitting anticipation is the perfect way to avoid unnecessary pressure.

9.       Avoiding anticipation is like creating room for surprises. It is living with a clean slate and being excited about what comes next. Sure, it may not go as desired but is it worth spending precious moments in present for something far ahead into the future?

   After starting this strong determination to avoid anticipation, I am still not there yet. There are vulnerable moments where I jump into over-anticipation and ruin the desire to not do so. But then again, improvements need practice. Here is to less anticipations, more mindfulness, less expectations, more openness because anticipations are nothing but slow joy-killers.

 What is your take over it? Do you believe anticipations help you prepare better or do they kill your joy too?

Old-school habits die hard

    I do not intend to sound old while I frame this post, but all the buzz of New Year and new beginnings has tempted me to think over old and new. Days and years pass by, bringing new techniques over the obsolete past. For example, who had imagined an ‘all in one’ smartphone will start to rule our lives in every possible way. From being our traditional phone for communication to being our camera for those much needed selfies, from providing a calendar to notepad, calculator to diary, entertainment screen to encyclopedia, it has invaded many aspects to dominate over every role. Amidst the smartness of this intimidating smartphone, it is difficult to stay true to our roots. And smartphones are not alone in plotting these monopolies, they are joined by e-books, tablets, netbooks and numerous other interesting gadgets whose sole aim is absolute dependency. 

   Having said this, I do enjoy the convenience of their smartness. The innovative solutions offered by technological conveniences only make it easy for us to march ahead. Yet, there is a little old-school self in me who refuses to quit some of the old habits. No matter how convenient, time-saving and easy it is to swipe a gadget and accomplish few tasks, I still prefer the old-school style for those actions.

  While following these actions in daily routine, I was tempted to write a little something about them to celebrate their continuity. Call it being true to ‘tried and tested’ formulas or finding contentment in preserving tradition, the underlying essence of old habits is to do something you love for the joy of simplicity. There is nothing wrong in adopting new style or rather it is absolutely correct to try out new trends for progress. But there is some magic in preserving few old techniques. If one can balance the innovative essence of future with a little charm of good, old past- the resulting outcome is nothing but a ‘joyous and happy present’.  

 Stay with me as I take you over some of my old school habits with a big smile. Shout out a big ‘yes’ if it resonates with you too or write back your disagreement if it seems too outdated for your taste. In either case, I will learn how old are my old-school habits, anyway?

1.       Can’t bid good-bye to my dear notebook

 I may not be writing a lot in my notebook, thanks to the digital notebook right in front of my eyes at this moment, I still maintain a physical book for my happiness. With dependence over laptop, the purpose of this physical notebook is more sentimental than practical, but I still need it. This notebook is like a trusted go-to friend in any and every situation. And though I may hardly use it for practical purposes, all the valuable scribbling enters right into without any second doubts. It gives me the feeling of preserving my thoughts because I seem to trust physical words over the virtual ones on screen. Or it may just be an unreasonable old me who thinks writing in a book is more real than typing on screen. Whatever be the reason, I cannot bid good-bye to my dear notebook. It is my companion since three years now. In light of the need to avoid paper wastage, I do not use the pages often, but its presence is comforting.

2.       Dear physical calendar - smiling on the wall

I strongly believe this post will turn embarrassing by the time I type the last word, but again happy to admit. Though that tiny, little, cute calendar on my phone is doing an incredible job, it cannot replace the physical calendar on the wall. And I don’t print it out just to keep a copy, but if luck shines bright every year, I manage to get one and it reaches the same dedicated spot. I realize the trend of physical calendars will stop soon, in that case I will be happy with the memories.

3.       Whiteboard -where reminders get real!

Nothing says “Urgent, need attention” like the words scribbled over our whiteboard on the refrigerator. No matter how many reminders are neatly noted on my phone, only the ones on the whiteboard make it to the finish line. It does the same job like the typed ones, in fact the convenience of reminders on the go is much useful than the physical board at home, yet there is lot of seriousness when you read “RENT/BILL or GET MILK” on the board over the automated reminders over emails.

4.       Touch books- touch knowledge

This little incident can be recorded in world history as the most unbelievable reality but I actually refused an anniversary gift from dear husband! I must be one of the rarest women to do so, but I happily rejected an e-book reader to preserve the affectionate love for physical books. Though I don’t buy books and only borrow them from the library, I cannot agree to the concept of e-book readers just yet. I am sure I will have to change the outlook for easier, convenient and possibly the only means of reading in the future, but till then I am not willing to part away from words that stand true on pages.

5.       The serious sight of the pen stand

The fact that pens are hardly used today is a sad reality for our present and future. But it is also good to avoid excessive usage of paper, wastage of trees and unnecessary documentation that can be recorded virtually. Hence I am totally on-board to reduce usage of paper except that one notebook with me since three years. But talking of the pen stand whose sight makes me feel serious and responsible, I am happy to place it on my table. It holds pens that are years and years old and received as gifts, but their being there is just comforting to the old-school mind. It feels as if you are excited to meet new people and build new friendships, but not without the support of your dear old buddies.

Things like these need sentimental point of view over practicality. Though I am happy about the old school habits, I realize the need to keep upgrading myself in order to adapt to the circumstances. Yet, you can always preserve some habits of your old- school self as a souvenir to your beautiful memories.

What do you think- should you follow some of the old habits just for your mind or should you walk away from these sentiments for a much practical outlook?

‘Here and now’ over ‘there and then’

Being 'here and now' helps! That's how I could capture this beautiful view right out of my window, while tuned to my usual routine of just another day :) 

  There is something inspiring about a new beginning that drives us to stay true to beneficial changes. Another way of saying – ‘New Year is the perfect opportunity to make resolutions’. Now, I am yet to test the power of my determination because like most of you, my New Year resolutions disappear into thin air by the second or third week of the month. But there is no harm in making attempts and when life throws in sunshine, why not bask under the glory for a short-while?

  Keeping this determination alive, I am prompted to be ‘here and now’ rather than being ‘there and then’. Why this trick game with prepositions, you ask? Or why this sudden inclination towards ‘Zen’ like experiences?  The answer lies in an unexplainable form of happiness derived in the span of short moments. In the usual race of life, we tend to live less and worry more. If you break down the actual active moments of your life – you realize most of them are spent in anticipation of what happens next? And for those of you who seek some form of assurance in memories- it is spent in evaluating the past. It applies to both the good and bad. If we are planning for a joyous event or looking forward to a fun trip- our mind takes us on several imaginative rides before it actually happens. On the other hand, if we are about to embark a new project, we think about all the possible ‘worst-case’ scenarios under the pretext of ‘being prepared’. But is there a need for all of this? Can we make an attempt of not thinking and just doing? Is it possible to live in the moment rather than imagining days, weeks or months ahead without any reality quotient?

  This is an open question without any right/wrong answers. What it needs is a determination to be where you are supposed to be. Why worry about something way ahead into the future when you know things may not work as per your imagination? Why be happy about that upcoming party before it actually happens and squeeze out all the juice? 

   I agree being ‘here and now’ or taking everything that the present has to offer is not as simple as resolving to spend more time with family or promising to call your friends more often. It is much more complicated and fails due to the complex nature of our mind. The ability to think, analyze, process and experience makes our mind quite different at every level. It cannot ‘not think’ and ‘just live’ for it has many responsibilities to its name. Also, I cannot possibly advocate just live because we need to process our life in an organized way to enjoy the opportunity. But, what I strongly believe is that we must make an attempt to think only when required. Do not imagine/worry/expect and assume things beyond your control. Plan as much as needed and leave the rest to the actual event. I am not sure how much of this resolution will work for me because I may end up jumping at the first opportunity to overthink. But all of this overthinking does more harm than good. It turns into a habit that drives you to avoid the present under the disguise of doing something constructive for the future. Rather, we can resolve to include a dedicated ‘planning’ slot in our schedule where we think about ‘to-do’ things for the future. Instead of distracting the present for the future, we must learn to be here and now. The ability to take the present moment in its complete stride prepares us to be truly happy.

  I realize a hint of philosophy in this concept because it is easier to preach but much difficult to follow. But since we must start somewhere, I resolve to be attentive to the present. By savoring every moment of our life with a conscious mind, we only add happiness to the journey. It is not possible to quit thinking or not worry about how things shape up. But it is still possible to embrace the good and bad with an open attitude. There is no alternative way to avoid tears, sorrow or disappointment. Being in the moment does not make one immune to every emotion. It only makes us more receptive to every experience with open arms.

   I believe being here and now is the way to enjoy life as it unfolds. I am not against planning because that is the way to ensure smooth journey in our course. But I feel alien about overthinking how life will turn out to be? Why can’t we go with the flow and experience things in the raw form in the way they are meant to be? Why imagine, analyze, fear, worry, bother about a future event only to spoil the reality of present. Living in the past or dreaming about the future is the perfect way to escape the present. No wonder it turns into a good escape route to avoid all the chaos of here and now. 

  

  Live in the moment to understand how everything is important for our being. Focus on the things within our reach rather than regret at a later stage. The classic example of this reality is our school life. When we struggle with studies in school, we dream of being independent and free as adults and not worry about exams. But only when that reality stands right in front, we miss all those carefree moments of childhood. Though we would know it right then and there that adult life will bring its own baggage, we cannot resist thinking about freedom. This thought process translates to every situation in our journey where we assume happiness on the other side of the bridge, while failing to observe the bridge as we go.

I believe constant reminders can prompt my mind to focus on the present and stay in the moment, though it will want to do everything otherwise. While it will definitely depend on the situation, it is important to be here and now as much as possible.

 What is your take on the thought? Will you elect more planning and less living? Is over-analysis an essential activity on your to-do list or will you leave it to time? Does it make you feel in control when you plan every single detail or do you believe in the surprise element of circumstances?

Avoiding the unavoidable- Say ‘NO’ to comparison

   Yes, it sounds like some sort of campaign; and yes, I wanted it to be just that. Campaigns have a strong track record of success because bombarding someone using the same set of authoritative words again and again does seem to work. It instills the essence of reminders, making someone at least conscious and aware, if not being able to make them follow to the T. This campaign of saying no to comparison is a style of reminding myself that comparing with others is absolutely incorrect. I cannot speak on your behalf but I can confess with certainty that comparisons do tempt me to put myself in that particular situation. I do not do it as a ‘to-do’ task in hand, but I am guilty of flowing in a stream that eventually leads to comparison. There is no jealousy involved, but temptation to correlate situations with those around.

 I completely agree it is pointless to compare myself with someone or draw parallel to someone’s life because each one of us is in a different boat, sailing over totally different ocean; but like they say if our mind was so sane and matured, we would be great human beings today. So while that greatness is illusion to say the least, I can at least do something to say no to certain ill aspects and a big yes to happiness.

Thus, if you haven’t figured it out yet, the campaign in title is my attempt to ponder the why, what and how to avoid comparisons. Why is there a thrill to see what we have or what we don’t? What is the motive behind thinking about where we stand against where others are? One thing is certain these comparisons aren’t about materialistic factors. I am sure we all are way beyond petty comparisons about assets or materials. But, the comparisons in our mind often correlate with where one stands or what stage of life one reaches?

 This concept of comparison has been dancing around in our society since the past. We tend to label it with fancy terms like ‘motivation’, ‘inspiration’, or ‘positive thinking’, but somehow we often fall into the pit of comparison. I agree with the beneficial effects of motivation by looking at inspirational real-life examples from people around us, but I do not understand direct linking between person A and person B. “Do this, because person X has done it” or “Look at person Y, he has achieved this, why can’t you?” Sometimes, it is necessary to push little kids in order to get them going, but comparisons between two individuals never seem to work. We can put a complete stop to such kind of comparisons in open, in fact no one ever does this anymore. But what about that little speaker in our head. How do you deal with the judgmental voice in your mind who jumps at every opportunity to compare with someone? We may not be doing it purposely but unconsciously at some level we tend to correlate, extrapolate and look at how it fits into our picture. Again, if you are one of the matured individuals who never ever does this, I salute and urge you to share your amazing secret with us. But if you are someone who does it in the background without realizing - well buddy, join the club!

  Each one of us has a timeline, agenda, schedule chart or priority of our own. Call it our unique journey or novel path, it is impossible to run parallel along with someone else. As a society we do follow certain guidelines for our major life events ascending from step to step. But again, exceptions do work or ‘so-called’ rules can be modified. The goal is not to tick off a level and reach the next one as part of a game, but the underlying aim should be pure happiness. I understand not everyone may agree with these views. I also understand our elders are forced to enter into some sort of comparison mode to remind us of our goals. Hence, we may not be able to defend ourselves against something that arises out of pure concern, but we can stop from hurting our own mind whenever these comparisons are crafted from within. Why will we want to fall into self-pity or feelings of sorrow by linking ourselves with someone else? As far as we know the reason behind why and what we do, there is no scope to compare and spend our time in sadness.

I could go on and on about why comparisons are incorrect. In fact now as I read it, I am surprised how do I even think about comparisons in the first place? But the problem lies in losing such high level of maturity at that one vulnerable moment when everything breaks down and comparisons seem realistic, drawing us more and more into self-pity. I believe it activates some kind of philosophical mode that makes us think more and understand less.

So dear mind, while I can’t predict when you will start your sail into the waters of comparison, I am sure I can pull you back with one important question. Next time you are tempted to push me into comparisons, kindly answer the following to win the right to take me ahead,

“Does the comparison equate at every level?  This does not mean equating age, gender, family, city, upbringing, lifestyle or interests. Because the answer could easily be a strong ‘Yes’, but are our priorities, situations, responsibilities, goals and outlook exactly the same like the person in comparison?”

  It can never be! This will be enough to help us avoid the unavoidable. Say ‘No’ to useless comparisons because life was, is and will never be a race. Sure, someone will get something much before us, will achieve something totally unique, and will seem to ascend life stages at certain age bracket, but how does that seem to bother you? Is success universal or it is personal? Can we consider ourselves successful if we fulfill 100% of societal expectations or when we achieve 100% of our personal goals? Because both of this can never be the same, you will have to pick one.

  Each one of us has our own experience book in hand- as long as you can answer your dreams, face yourself in the mirror with a smile and achieve happiness as planned, why bother?

When you end up falling into that same pit, you avoided all along!

   

  

   I will not blame you if you assume this post shall talk about pot holes on road. Because though the menace of pot holes and pits is a real life problem on any and every part of the globe, this post intends to borrow it in a metaphorical sense. In order to enjoy the post, I will request you to engage your power of imagination. Because there are no real pits or potholes in our plot, rather some figurative blunders of our behavior. Though actual pits on road can form an interesting topic in the future, for now let us concentrate on those annoying downfalls in life. The magical ability to create and recreate the same set of errors from the past into the present has tempted me to write a long post and ponder. What tempts me to make the same mistakes over and over again? Or why do I end up entering into the same danger zone that I so carefully mark out in bold letters?

  I realize I can blame this tendency to make mistakes as an in-built feature and move on, but then we just have one life to live. Should we spend it creating blunders that hurt us or should we remind ourselves to take charge? These mistakes may not involve other people because we all tend to take utmost care when dealing with those around us. Never in our wildest dreams, do we think about hurting our people or creating blunders with their feelings and dealings. But when it comes to our own little mind whom we take for granted, we end up making every possible kind of mistake. Quite often, our mind is hurt by our actions and reactions but we fail to take notice. The inability to respond to its voice turns into a habit, while we easily assume everything is good. Until one day, the pressure mounts to a great extent. The point of loving ourselves is often disregarded as a selfish deed. We fail to place our mind as a priority because there are multiple factors to take care of. Taking care of our responsibilities and handling them is not the fault at hand, but assuming we can ignore our own happiness is the pit in question.

 The pit in title refers to all the ill actions of our doing that are absolutely momentary. Be it anger, jealously, guilt, temper, irritation, tendency to compare ourselves with others – such feelings arise in heat of the moment. After the tide passes, we fail to believe how could we start it all in the first place? It is easy to blurt out philosophical thoughts under the perfect frame of mind. We can differentiate the good deeds from the bad, when we sit calmly with a pen in hand. The trouble is never about not knowing what is hurtful, the trouble is not knowing how to stand against momentary temptations that hurt. In one ill moment of fight or argument, it is so easy to bundle up all our sane thoughts and discard them into some faraway bin; only to find them magically next to us within minutes or hours after the situation improves. True maturity is not in knowing how to behave when everything is calm and smooth, but knowing how to hold our feelings in rough waters. It does not mean suppressing our thoughts or holding the anger deep within, but releasing it out in a healthy way. It does not take much time for the situation to improve, but it takes a lot of time for spoiled relations and bad memories to recover from the effects.

  All talks and no actions will not change the blunder in title. Because my pondering is just like the sane thoughts I described above. Easy to write when calm, but difficult to follow when upset. Hence for those upsetting times when I am proudly falling into the same pit, here are some quick-fix steps to be performed right away. Hopefully they stop my foot at the most crucial moment! Do provide your version if you can suggest more ‘tried and tested’ doable alternatives.

Step 1: Identity the problem, accept the fact that is hurts you and stay quiet. There is no need to explain yourself right away.

Step 2: Take deep breathes till the restlessness is released.

Step 3: Find three good things in such a situation- it is similar to counting your blessings because for every bad thing in life, we are blessed with something spectacularly good.

Step 4: Quit thinking immediately. No matter how tempted you are to list down everything incorrect in your life from the day you were born, shut those thoughts right away. It is something in the air that entices us at the wrong moment, but learn to say no.

Step 5: Ignore the feelings right now, save the lessons for a later date – ignore your momentary feelings irrespective of how strongly you care about them. Analyze the situation after the situation cools down.

Step 6: Laugh at the possibility of yet another blunder- accepting your tendency of attracting trouble like a magnet will help to clear your mind and make peace with your life.

Step 7: Watch something funny or watch mindless comedy. This is my universal solution for every trouble- when in a sad state, watch something that makes no sense at all!

 Whether these steps will succeed in the mission to prevent another fall will be decided in the future. Probably, when the stars align to give yet another tricky situation, I will find myself digging into the diary for few last-minute tips.

 What is your take when you see trouble dancing right in front of your beautiful eyes? Do you give into the temptation or save yourself from expected sorrows, hatred and roller coaster of emotions? Share your ideas to prevent falling into that same old pit, yet again!

Together we can build roads that last and clear pits that harm. Well, agreed it sounds more like a local community welfare or governmental body tagline, but I hope you get the message! 

How to think your way to happiness- the think tank guide to DOs and DON’Ts of thinking

   

   As I write this title, I am amazed at myself because normally I wouldn’t advocate the action of ‘thinking’. With passing years and growing experiences, I have realized the ills of over-thinking are way beyond the thrills of appropriate thinking. And since the line between necessary and unnecessary thoughts is extremely thin it is possible to cross the limit into an unknown territory quite easily. I do not know about you but I can strongly say I have wandered into this off-limit zone more times than needed. 

 The dangers of over-thinking pull you into some kind of vortex that spins around until you struggle to come out totally confused. Think about one thing and chances are you will jump from one thought to the other at a pace faster than the fastest rocket launched from our planet. That is the power of thinking. It can keep you engaged for hours and hours without any productive output of even a single minute. It is not for nothing that they created the great phrase ‘Empty mind is devil’s workshop’. 

But, does that mean we should quit thinking? 

Does it mean only work and no thoughts? 

Does it imply we should perform thoughtless actions?

Or does it say we should control our thinking?

 All of these questions poke my mind quite often hence I was tempted to pen them down and see if I can reach some good answers. This guide is more of an experimental contemplation to understand productive thinking. It is my way to walk one step closer to the world of good thoughts. I cannot assume foolproof results because thinking seems to know no bounds, but as I make the first attempt, I can be assured of a better approach towards life. Read on while I create a guide-book for the confused thinker in me. Do add your feedback at the end to see if we can think well together. If you belong to the over-thinking clan, I am sure you may see the need to pen it down loud and clear. While if you are a successful follower of practicality and laugh at people like us who think, think and only think- share some tips, dear good mate!

   You cannot discard the act of thinking as useless. After all, that is our unique feature empowering us with the ability to understand, consider, prosper, develop and make good decisions for ourselves. Our mind is the factory of intelligence, generating beneficial ideas and thoughts day in and day out. Hence the problem does not lie in productive thinking, it lies in unnecessary thoughts that end up creating a bubble around us. It is more like a self-created giant maze capable of dragging you deeper and deeper into dense network of lanes. One excellent rule-of-thumb is if you can translate your ideas into actions within a reasonable duration of time, go for it. But if your thoughts are only magnets to more and more similar thoughts, quit it immediately. It may seem to generate numerous ideas in your basket but it will ultimately end with nothing concrete. That is why they often say think about the present. If you think about the past, you will end up digging deeper into every possible good memory to hit upon something bad. As situations and circumstances change, a happy past may make you sad with reference to the present. On the other hand, thinking about the future years and years from today suffers from similar mismatch of circumstances. It does not mean we cannot think of a good situation for the future or hope for one but it also means we should be prepared for all possible last-minute changes.

  Now let’s move to my little guide on dos and don’ts of thinking:

The DOs

1.       As mentioned earlier, do think about ideas that convert into actions- within an hour, day or month from now.

Maximum duration of two-three months is acceptable but thinking about something a year from today is like building castles in the air. As long as you smile for a minute while dreaming about the future, it looks perfectly cute; but if you end up worrying, doubting, and thinking about every possible thing that can go wrong (like it always does), the entire exercise is utter waste of precious time.

2.       Do think about your happiness, passion, interests and desires

Devote time to think about what makes you happy. This form of happiness will radiate joy to those around you. It does not promote selfish behavior rather the desire to choose happiness over other unnecessary things. Once you think about it, convert those thoughts into actions. Plan trips, pursue your hobbies, and enjoy your passion to ensure unlimited stock of vitamin H.

3.       Do think about your loved ones and say hello

This form of thought should not end by simply counting your blessings for their love and support. It should mean saying hi and letting them know you think about them. Whether it means shouting across the house to say how you feel or calling a person miles away, it can mean sending a quick message to your family member in another country or walking to your neighbor next door, the idea is to act on your thoughts.

4.       Do think about the goodness of your day

Every day is a drama in itself. There are happy, sad, annoying, exciting, interesting, irritating moments that can sum up the eventful duration of 24 hours. Some days are just usual, while some are more colorful. The idea is to be grateful for the colorful aspects with an aim to draw pleasure from living. It may not be as perfect as you imagined, but it will definitely deliver truck load of happiness with joyful memories. Thank the day for all its highlights and work a bit harder tomorrow to overcome the lowlights.

The DON’TS

1.       Don’t think about the past

          It is over, gone, completed, finished, exhausted- insert whichever word you wish to but the reality is past is not here anymore. Think about happy memories and smile for a minute, but that is all. Don’t try to analyze, overreact, contemplate or understand about everything that happened before because there are no right or wrong answers. This helps to conquer vacation blues after you return back because you do not allow your mind to just sit and think. How, why, what, when of a past incident whether good or bad will give you a one-way entry into misery- good luck coming out! 

2.       Don’t think about what people think

       That is their job not yours! This one sentence should make you understand. What and why people think some things about you is beyond your territory. It is not in your scope of work so why do you even try? No matter how well you explain and justify, it is not possible to force your perspective over others. What you see is way different from what others do. Your decision to make certain choices, believe in something, follow a particular route or prioritize one thing over the other cannot resonate with others. It is your life at the end. Do seek advice, listen to opinions, and network with people for knowledge, but do not enter into a trip of what people shall think about you. To every person who thinks you did the right thing, there is another person who thinks you are absolutely wrong. Call it law of universe, but that is how it works.

3.       Don’t think about comparisons, jealously and hatred

       Comparison is a much bigger sin than we consider it to be. What is the point of comparing with anyone around you when you are in a different race altogether? Each one of us have to live our own life then why draw comparisons with peers, friends or neighbors? Comparison sows seeds of jealousy that spreads quickly like a weed. There is no end to it from there on. You will only be tempted to think about everything that is wrong with you because someone will appear to get everything perfect. But what we fail to realize is every person has a different story that we know nothing about. Just because you see something on the surface does not mean you are qualified to start drawing conclusions.

4.       Don’t think about a future timeline in terms of years  

       We cannot predict every single minute of our tomorrow then how can we possibly know about the future, years from now? Agreed, our actions of today shape the foundation for tomorrow. This makes it essential to behave good, work hard, and incorporate a positive attitude. But how does plain thinking help? We know ourselves well to have confidence in our efforts but we cannot arrange a good circumstance by the power of our thoughts alone.  We must and should concentrate on things in our hand today.

         I agree it is easier to say this when we think coolly about the subject. It is difficult to maintain such high level of maturity when we get carried away in the flow of our thoughts. The resistance to say no to over-thinking falls short in several situations, making it impossible to win over endless chain of thoughts. But like everything else, this approach demands determination. The decision to quit useless thinking will pave way to a permanent change in behavior and you will surprised by the change!

       Do send your opinion if you agree and don’t shy away if you disagree. Should you or should you not think is the question in hand. 

      

      What does your guide-book say?

8 things to-do when you hit a block

   

   How often have you heard the phrase ‘Change is the only constant’? As humans, it is practically impossible to continue with our same set of chores day in, day out. Though this system of routine does impart a sense of stability and permanence that each one of us long for, it tends to bore us down with inefficiency and boredom. That is when a block comes into the picture. I did not pay much attention to blocks until I came across the term ‘Writer’s block’. As a creative artist, it is quite natural to hit a plateau where one cannot generate new ideas as desired. And though this term often applies to arts than technical fields, it is relevant to almost all areas of life. Be it career or relationships, lifestyle or passion, general daily routine or our social responsibilities, we can hit a block in almost any and every aspect.

  The concept of writer’s block prompted me to dig deep into the matter when I realized blocks should not be resented or despised. In fact blocks are essential to instill new ideas and enthusiasm. Agreed none of us will feel like welcoming these blocks to halt our creativity and hamper with our work, but they do turn into blessing in disguise if we learn to use them for our good. Rather than wasting time over why and what about blocks, we must invest in updating our skills. If we change our attitude, we can see their role as teachers. After all, only when our flow of work or routine is blocked do we make an attempt to improve ourselves.

Avoiding blocks voluntarily by trying out something new is one thing but how often does that feeling arise from within? If you are one of those who take charge of improving much before hitting a block, take a bow because such level of dedication for your own good is seldom found. But no matter how hard you try, if these blocks do enter into your way, treat them as wake-up alarms for action.

 Blocks are hurdles that prevent you from moving forward. They can pour feelings of doubt, anxiety, restlessness and disappointment, making you believe in your inability. It can also prompt you to quit your work or task in hand that will only invite permanent sorrow.

 So, is there a way out? Is it possible to convert blocks into opportunities? And can one look at blocks as temporary hurdles rather than high unattainable mountain peaks?

 Digging into some ‘to-do’ ideas to tackle these blocks. These actions are a mix of instant solutions, long-term approaches, elaborate methods and quick-fixes. Do share the action plan from your diary. We all attend to blocks in our own specific way. The path may differ but at the end we are and should be able to handle it for our own eternal happiness that matters over anything else.

1.       Take long silent walks

These work the best to clear out your mind and avoid distracting thoughts. Walks help to prioritize your ideas and find a solution from a state of stagnancy. Blocks arise when the same chain of ideas keep repeating over and over again. It is important to remove them from the system and think different.

2.       Abort the thinking right away

This may sound impossible since our aim is to find a solution. But when you hit a block of stagnancy, the first thing to do is quit thinking at all. Distract yourself into some other activity that is completely unrelated to your line of work. Thinking over and over again is like riding a bike over a circular route. When you realize thinking is not productive, you will reach half way to the destination. Blocks arise by excessive procrastination, contemplation and unnecessary analysis.

3.       Look around for inspiration

We fail to realize but our immediate surrounding is an exceptional source of inspiration. We are programmed to look far and wide, imparting significance to something that is beyond our reach. But when you are receptive to people, surrounding, resources, nature and things around you, it can motivate in unimaginable ways. Listen to ideas floating in the air, hear out experiences and thoughts from people, seek guidance from someone in the same boat, read, research and watch things in your domain, you will be amazed by the result.

4.       Seek a by-pass route

When you do the same task regularly, you need some alternate methods. Engage in some new actions that are different from your everyday work but will ultimately take you to the same destination. There are different methods of doing the same thing. The idea is to achieve the same output but with some minor changes to the routine.

5.       Same thought, different surrounding

Now though we said thinking hard is not really productive, we can return to it when the mood is right. And how do we judge that? When thinking seems less of a demanding task and more of a feel-good activity to seek a solution, the time is right. Our location plays an important role in generating new ideas. Hence a change in the surrounding can help a lot. Visit some place close or far, travel wherever and whenever you can or simply sit few feet away from your usual work desk, the effects will surprise you.

6.       Quit planning, pay attention to the present

Often when are overwhelmed by lack of ideas to clear the block, we end up worrying about the future. As the present problem seems too big, it is quite natural to doubt the road ahead. This can force us to make unrealistic plans and think way ahead from where we stand today. Such times demand a more ‘live in the moment’ approach. You can resume your usual planning after things are better but that very discouraging moment demands less of worrying and more of simple tasks, one step at a time.

7.       Accept the block and write to-do lists

This should be the first step when you sense a block. Instead of being in denial and justifying your lack of creativity, accept the impending sense of boredom and stagnancy. Following this, organize your ideas and action plan. Often it helps to list down actions but again only the short-term ones. Do not get carried away to make long-term plans and enter into a spiral of self-doubt once again.

8.       Get hold of your favorite stress-buster

Playing with kids or watching comedy programs? Drinking coffee or eating cake? Singing on top of your voice in the bathroom or pretending to dance well? Find your favorite stress-buster and engage into it instantly. Block is one form of stress in disguise. It needs an outlet to remove the steam, release the boredom and get back in an enlightened, happy way.

  It sounds practical when we use words such as ‘to-do’. Do something to overcome the block. Hitting a plateau is quite common, we see our favorite actors, performers, authors and sports personalities in similar kind of situations. But not doing anything about it is the confirmed killer of talent. Try something inspiring each time you hit the block and may be your new skill set will read ‘expert in dealing with blocks’!

7 school memories that sum up the nostalgia of a magical second home

   There are few places on Earth with which we share a typical love-hate relationship. We hate it while being forced to be there every morning, only to return back home and be there once again, the next day. The discipline, routine, sincerity, ambiance and not to forget load of studies bothered us while we walked with a bag on back, day in and day out. No wonder our dear school turned into a second home since we ended up spending almost equal time as our own home sweet home. But all of this boredom magically transforms into nostalgia when we bid good-bye on the farewell day. No matter how much we hated it, we start developing feelings of love and affection after crossing the gate, never to return back again.

  We may be able to visit our school later in future, but it is not the same like carefree students with innocence on our faces and identity card badges on the neck. As soon as we depart from our school, every bit of hatred is converted into love. So much is the transformation that aspects we detested convert into laughter, emotions, tears and a longing to get back. The moment this school closes its doors for us, we realize that space was special indeed. And I am sure no other thing in the world can replace the joy of sitting on our school benches. We may continue returning to academia years and years after school, but it will never be the same again. It is only when we face the real world, do we realize that the load of homework was much better than the load of adulthood. Or better still, fear of answering our teachers was much manageable than answering our own uncertainties and challenges of so-called matured life.

  Now though you and I cannot return to this magical place as students once again, I was tempted to relive it through memories. After all, nostalgia works wonders when we can think about the beautiful memories etched in our minds. Normally, I do not advocate revisiting the past for it disturbs the action of present. But there are some things in life that deserve moments of our present. And if past is the source of your smiles right now, there is no harm in just experiencing it for a short while. Childhood and school are the best sources to get this joy at its best. It does not mean each one of us has had nothing but happy memories in school. We all do have our own share of bitter experiences or undesirable memories, while struggling to fit into the system. But the power of happy memories definitely weighs much more over the sad ones, making us forget the drama, while holding the pleasure.

 I am making an attempt to present some of the best memories through my lens. Some of these may resonate with the student in you, while few others may not. Do share your feedback and your own list too. Memories that remind you of the love-hate relationship with your second home. Memories that bring a smile, while longing you to return back, just once more. Memories that make you realize school was probably the safest, best and most loving shelter for the innocence in you. And memories that cannot be erased from your system, no matter how far you have reached from its location or how long it has been since you stepped out.

1.       Same bell-different effects

Building and curriculum may differ, facilities and teaching staff may differ, quality of education and methods of assessment may differ, but what unites almost all schools is the powerful and penetrating school bell. This same school bell sounds different at different moments due to its underlining message. Boredom of starting yet another long day of studies in the morning to an unexplained relief when the boring session ends, music of recess bell to the ultimate joy that announces “Go home, little birds. You are hereby released!” The school bell definitely rings a wonderful tune of nostalgia, deserving the first spot in memories.

2.       ‘My’ space in an otherwise alien layout

Even if we stepped in and out of the same building, same classroom and encountered the same set of people in school, there was something unsettling till we settled into our own school bench, waved hi to our desk and finally entered into some kind of sacred ‘my space’. The memory of settling into that one school bench, while making an attempt to cooperate with classmates around was one of the best memories. Though that bench would change every now and then, thanks to the new found concept of moving from first row to the last every single day of the year, there was some novel joy of being into ‘my’ place, more like ruling the kingdom from a designated throne!

3.       After all, all world’s a stage

Though the great Shakespeare used this as a monologue for his play, I take the liberty to change the reference as per context. And when I use it in my school memories, I point to the fact that we all performed in school one way or the other. Whether that meant drawing a chart and brimming with pride when displayed in classroom or forced to sing/dance for the annual day function. It could mean just reading one page from textbook yet declaring victory as though featured in a movie or participating in the school race to luckily fall into the one of the first three places. Performances in school followed a typical pattern. From reluctance to participate to slipping away from classroom for so-called ‘practice’ sessions, from finally managing to perform to laughing at the blunders, the memories are filled with joy of ‘doing’ something.

4.       About picnics and trips, excursions and outings

School picnic- I am sure even the sound of this word is enough to bring back flood of memories. Days of planning, packing, excitement and shopping for one day picnic or months of the same for school trips sum up the joy of being out with friends and creating memories. It brought everyone closer to the realities of life. And looking at our fellow classmates and teachers away from the boring walls of school into the open world only made it sweeter, stronger and memorable.

5.       They made us, they still make us and will always continue doing so

If school stands for love-hate relationship, we are also guilty of similar feelings with teachers. We loved them for their affection and patience, hated them for being strict, rude and ever demanding. We also had our list of favorite teachers who always stayed good in our eyes even if they shouted and an equal list of strict teachers who seemed to scare us even if they spoke kind words of appreciation. All of this changes as soon as we step out of school when we miss each and every one of them.  We are able to find love in their shouting and purpose in their punishments. We are able to find their affection for treating us like little kids because no one does that anymore. Interaction with our teachers formed one of the best memories in our school, after all we owe our childhood to those lovely elders in this second home. I don’t think I can express any of this if I meet my teachers today, but I can never thank them enough for whatever they have done for me; just like it is impossible to weigh love of our very own parents at home.

6.       The power back-stage

We often end up appreciating actors and actresses for a good movie, but fail to recognize the talent back stage. It happens similarly in school too where we remember teachers and friends but forget the crew back-stage. Hence my school memories also involve the wonderful team of peons, clerks, administrative staff, cleaners, helpers, watchmen, bus drivers and many more. From a favorite peon uncle who listened to our demands and granted extra favors to a rude one who always managed to catch us in some blunders, from an administrative staff who put us off as silly kids, only to respect us soon as a teacher stepped in to the sweet cleaner lady who shouted yet helped us if need be. School memories bring their love to the forefront for they were a part of the drama too.

7.       And finally to the fellow mates who pulled us through

School friends- compete, study, love, fight, tease, hit, cry, pull pranks, laugh, smile, play, oppose, argue, blame, co-operate, team up, break up, shout, forgive, write sorry letters, wish, hope, congratulate, give gifts, promise to stay in touch. I am not convinced if I have included all the possible verbs to describe the interaction with school friends. They were the fellow mates who struggled with us, just like us to get through the school years. Making some of the best memories, it is impossible to find the same level of trust, love and connection with anyone else later on. It does not mean we cannot gain new friends, but there is some unique tag that separates them from the rest of the gang. Thank you to all who accompanied me in this journey, I couldn’t and wouldn’t be able to do it alone.

  I figured I must stop somewhere or this nostalgia will easily override the word limit. In fact it is impossible to put a limit to the wonderful school life, a place that took us in as clueless innocent minds to turn us into a slightly matured troop, yet equally clueless to face the real life ahead. We long to release ourselves from the weird clutches of strict school discipline, but miss it the moment they send us away. Also, these seven memories cannot do justice to the entire experience, these are more like mere drops in the ocean of a beautiful place where I wish to go back once more, if only not as an ex-student!

To the school that made me, thanks for tolerating this little girl in uniform with bag on back, water bottle on neck and dreams in her eyes….

7 metaphors on life that say it right

  To start this post, I will need to back-up a bit. Back in school days when English was one of the least-studied subjects and grammar was the perfect tool to score maximum marks, the concept of ‘figures of speech’ seemed interesting. Though understanding difference between simile and metaphor or finding the correct type meant scratching the head, it at least appeared different. After running around in the maze of verbs, adverbs, nouns and pronouns, figures of speech meant some serious business. More like maturity of higher standards, I enjoyed figures of speech for their greater value and stronger looks.

   I apologize if all these memories make you sad with your own dreaded grammar classes, but the reason to mention them is my new-found love for one such figure of speech- ‘metaphor’. Ever since I started penning words for pleasure, income or purpose whichever suits best as per situation, I realized the joy of using metaphors. Instead of scoring marks and lifting up the overall percentage, when these metaphors seemed appropriate for practical use, I could not contain my growing interest. And while I involve them in usual writing, I am excited to dedicate a post too.

  For those of you who were confident of scoring well in essays and ignored grammar for its boredom (I salute you), let me help you a bit. As indirect means of comparison, metaphors link two unrelated aspects to each other. It enables clear description of a word/phrase by comparing it to an object/material or a well-known occurrence. And while this helps understanding, it also serves as an interesting tool for language. Think about any philosophical thoughts and chances are you will come across many interesting metaphors. In fact philosophy, arts, literature and poetry draw a lot of influence from these metaphors that make it relatable, interesting, appealing and attractive.

  When I thought about metaphors, I felt what better way than to include those on life. After all, life is a giant puzzle and everything revolves around it. Walk with me as I take you through this listicle on life metaphors. These are common ones that must have hit your ears quite often in the past. In fact I am sure you must have come across each one of them. I present seven of the metaphors that I believe say it right. A big bow of gratitude and honor to all those who created them because it surely hits the target, right on point. Courtesy to the creative artists who brought these to life.

  Do feel free to add to the list with more interesting metaphors from your end, the fun is in knowing a bit more about the mysterious hero called life.

1.       Life is a journey

Probably the most common of all, life is often described as a journey. After all, it does start with our birth, taking us to different stations, destinations, places, stages and age-groups. It shows us different realities along the way and changes quite often. No matter how well we seem to know about our life, it keeps evolving with newer realities. Also like a journey, the fun is to keep exploring and moving ahead. Sitting within our comfortable station because we feel secure is incorrect, rather experiencing and evolving is the key.

2.       Life is a roller coaster ride

Another metaphor that makes total sense, life is nothing but an adventurous roller coaster ride. Picture the tall ride with numerous twists going up, down and taking turns when we least expect. Isn’t life similar to this? One moment you are going up with happiness and pleasures, only to unexpectedly fall down. Changes in situations that lie beyond our understanding is the real punch. Roller coaster is one such unexpected adventure that does spell fun, frolic and enjoyment. Often we look at the ride and seem to prepare ourselves for the twists, but unless we experience it first-hand, it is impossible to know how it actually feels. For all those of you who proudly (or timidly) avoid such rides in theme parks, there is no escape from the real one called life.

3.       Life is a jigsaw puzzle

I enjoy this metaphor for bringing back memories of childhood. Just like a jigsaw puzzle reveals the full picture only after connecting perfect pieces into each other, our life is similar too. The puzzle is to link our events, experiences and realities. We are often confused with the flow of our life, not realizing that each one of these events will reveal a wonderful picture step by step. As far as we trust the process and believe in the final output, our inputs will definitely bring value.

4.       Life is a maze

       With our share of uncertainties and confusions, there is no other metaphor to put it more aptly. Life is indeed a maze with confusing turns while we struggle to find our way out. Blame it on situations that seem to make us go from one way to the other, but they also prompt us to think, act, find alternatives and improve. The joy is in brimming with pride when we find the right way and laughing at our silliness when we get caught, once again!

5.       Life is a movie

 I am not sure if I have heard this somewhere or creating one on my own. But, how can one deny this metaphor when our life delivers all possible kind of drama?  There is everything in it that can be turned into a typical movie. We have location, scenery, props, plot, actors, villains, story, fun, laughter, emotions, mystery with occasional sad scenes and over the top melodrama. We also seem to have surrounding music score to match our story. While some stories are more dramatic to qualify as best-thrillers, few others are just plain with a feel-good factor. But at the end I am sure, we all have some twists and turns to form a good entertainer.

6.       Life is a book

Fill the pages with happiness, beliefs, thoughts, experiences, adventures and events and what you get is a thick book of life. The quality of this book will depend on our attitude. Whether we make it colorful with experiences both good/bad, happy/sad or whether we keep it plain and boring like a notebook, the choice was, is and will remain ours.

7.       Life is a river

This is one of my favorite metaphors. How often do we hear the thoughts “Go with the flow”, “Enjoy everything and be in the moment”,” Take it slowly and steadily”, “Wait for the right time.” All these point to the reality that life is similar to a river. It comes across hard rocks and hits against unexpected blocks on the way, but the joy lies in going with the flow. It flows beautifully delivering happiness and joy, all the while serving its purpose.

 So, what’s your verdict? Do you agree with the title and count them right? Or object to them, while suggesting some new ones from your basket? Type, write and share to solve this mystery together. After all, the aim is living our life, while sharing the essence with others.