Can we agree to disagree?

   Call it maturity or enhanced sense of understanding, I find myself at peace whenever and wherever I end up disagreeing with those around me. The old self-confessed ‘perfectionist’ me would have hated the thought of not being able to weave others into my thoughts. Or that same ‘perfectionist’ I would make every possible effort to prove a point in any and every manner. But now the new ‘choose your battles wisely’ self (more on this in another post) finds it easy to not bother about agreement or disagreement. There is nothing outstanding or exceptional about it, but the ability to disagree with someone without slightest hint of arrogance, superiority or friction is something worth pondering. While I often self-congratulate myself for this new found sense of maturity, I am tempted to think about the concept of ‘agreeing to disagree’.

  Can we peacefully agree to obey differences of opinion or does it turn into our agenda to turn every person’s opinion our way come-what-may? 

 Is it really essential to be a people pleaser who is perfect and gets nods in every aspect of life or is it okay to do something different that does not fit into the universal mold of acceptance? 

 Is there something wrong if we agree to disagree or should we influence these differences one way or the other to gain agreements from everyone around us? 

  What is the harm in agreeing to disagree or do we fear rejection from the society if we cannot keep everyone on our page?

   Now while you ponder about these unusual questions that may or may not have entered your chain of thoughts in the past, let me take you through my thought-process. And the best part of this exercise – you can agree to disagree right from the first word moving forward. Though I wouldn’t deny the immense happiness of getting a perfect feedback where all of you would agree with me, I will still manage to shake hands with my new found contentment.  I believe there is lot of power in the concept of ‘agreeing to disagree’. There is no harm in expressing your opinions. There is nothing wrong if the world does not understand your side of the story or finds it difficult to not form a completely contrasting judgement of the tale. As long as you are sure of your take with conviction, there is fun in ‘agreeing to disagree’.

 So let me take the liberty of justifying disagreements and wait for your agreement over it.

1.       The value of taking your stand and staying true to what you believe in outweighs the temporary happiness of pleasing people. This temporary happiness will make you feel happy for a really tiny, short while that may not be worth it.

2.       Each one of us is entitled to our opinions. The efforts of transforming someone’s disagreement into agreement will drain away that much needed energy for more productive work.

3.       Where does the process of converting opinions end? Because it is practically impossible to convince everyone is it really needed? As we begin to realize the process is worthless to say the least we are able to make peace with it every step of the way.

4.       Expressing this disagreement in a good form is the real challenge. How we communicate our difference of opinion is the trick. Whether we choose good words and peaceful speech or blurt out anger and end up fighting like hot-headed coals can change the entire experience.

5.       When such conflicting situations tend to bring you down, think about what matters the most to you. If you value self-respect and choose self-love over the need to be a people pleaser, you can make peace with not wanting to agree with others but at the same time expressing your heart and mind in the clearest possible way.

 I completely agree stating these thoughts in black and white is not as easy as it seemed when I started with the post. We all go through wide array of experiences – good, bad, happy, sad. And it is only natural to go through diverse experiences with those around us. It does not matter whether we agree or disagree as long as we know how to value the underlying bond of love and affection. Understanding the concept of ‘agreeing to disagree’ as a statement of literature is one thing, and implementing it in reality is another. We may agree to its benefits but whether we are able to implement it while swallowing our ego/pride/arrogance is the reality that only time will tell.

 In introspect, agreeing or disagreeing may never be the main concern as much as we make it to be. Our in-built nature to seek approval may drive us towards this urge but if are able to trust our beliefs without slightest scope for doubts, we are good to go. But again, this depends on what clicks your thought-process. There is nothing right or wrong about it. With this, I leave you all on an open note- 

What matters – agreeing with yourself or agreeing with everyone, but yourself?

Know-it-all or understand-it-none: the new age digital attention span

    I take the liberty of defining a new term in this post. Though ‘attention span’ is a recognized concept in our vocabulary pointing towards the kind, quality and duration of attention rendered by the receiver, ‘digital attention span’ is born out of the new age world of digital life. This form of attention is absolutely short, distracted and impatient- to define it in the shortest possible way. It happens to all of us. No matter how well you defend your stand, we all are guilty of being impatient while accessing information in today’s world of connectivity. We have all the necessary means to understand a concept from any end of the globe or learn about any phenomenon of any field at any time, but is it everything or are we lacking something? I cannot take your opinions for granted, but my digitally active, virtually available, constantly connected, and ever-inquisitive mind does not believe in not knowing it all but seems to understand only a tiny bit of everything.

 This is the result of having all types of accessible information within arms’ reach (or rather in this case finger’s reach) but not able to process it with patience right till the end. Let me explain this through couple of cases and see if it rings true for you.

1.       Case 1: You are reading or working on something. You come across an unknown concept – you google it to find out what it means. One link on the article takes you to another and another and another. Slowly and steadily you have access to numerous articles but manage to understand only a tiny bit. You either quit reading because it seems to make no sense at all or is irrelevant to your original search. Or as it happens in most situations- you are restless or distracted within one-third length of the article.

2.       Case 2- You are enjoying your daily dose of social media intake. While browsing through photos, posts and updates- you come across catchy articles with absolutely catchy headlines. Some of it seem totally related to your current situation in life. You read a bit, only to extract little sense or end up clicking other interesting links within it.

3.       Case 3- You subscribe to e-newspapers, newsletters and influential blogs (because you are not just all play and no work on social media!), you find an article relevant with an aim to seek some knowledge, learn new tips and tricks of the trade or to sound well informed in your social circle. Again you grasp a little, only to find yourself attracted to some other hidden concept or embedded article.

4.       Case 4- You are hanging out with your group of friends. You end up disagreeing over something and use google as your ultimate decision-maker. Each one of you open a website, read an article, get some information, and resolve the conflict, only to prove the point and not understand it completely.

 The underlying base of each of these scenarios is the same. Thanks to easily accessible internet on our smartphones, we can find out anything and everything with ease. But call it an ill side-effect or distracted attention span, I seem to know it all but understand just a little. It is easy to jump from one source of information to another and enjoy unlimited access to so many resources. Yet it is also easy to not understand it the way it is meant to be. 

 There is no harm in the unlimited access, the harm lies in not using it well. Also, there is no need to know it all, but rather it is important to stay focused and gain adequate knowledge. I find it similar to touching the surface of the soil and deciding what lies beneath instead of digging it to get the correct picture. As I pen this thought from my mind, I realize it is essential to make conscious efforts and stay focused to understand it better. Access to unlimited knowledge imparts a rather snobbish sense of knowing-it-all, only to realize the knowledge is surface deep. There is no depth to the knowledge base unless we invest adequate time to gather it through reliable sources.

  I am tempted to infer digital attention span is often about quantity and not quality. This pushes me to remember and avoid short attention spans as much as possible. It is not necessary to know everything. We cannot possibly be experts on every subject or gain degrees to every possible fields. But at the same time, we cannot justify the short attention span and not make any efforts to learn, understand or concentrate over matters that truly matter. If we allow digitally influenced attention span to cast its spell over other faculties of life, we will lose the essential ingredient of concentration. I do not intend to demotivate the influence of virtual access, but at the same time, I want to ensure adequate focus whenever and wherever it matters. I sense an ‘old-school-ish’ attitude in my thinking, but then not everything in the new school is perfectly correct!

 The key is to use digital access to our advantage. It is perfectly understandable to not know it all but it is not okay to lose our focus over something that we are supposed to comprehend in the first place. Distractions on digital media manage to whisk us to a faraway unknown territory, only to realize we are not meant to be everywhere, every time. Call it a new form of peer pressure or some kind of digital inclusiveness, we make attempts to sound knowledgeable about any trending thing on the internet- no matter how little we seem to care or how little we actually understand about it.

What is your take on the new age short lived digital attention span? 

Am I the only over-pondering blogger who believes in its existence or have you experienced it too? 

Are you guilty of not paying enough attention or are you convinced of understanding it well, just the way it is meant to be?

Chasing the mirage of perfection

  

   How often have you thought to yourself “I want it to be absolutely perfect”? How often have you caught yourself hoping/wishing/dreaming/thinking about the ‘perfect’ life? And how often do you strive hard to chase a perfect outcome, though the journey seems anything but perfect? Growing up, I always thought perfection is absolutely doable.

  What is so difficult about being perfect or rather what is so impossible about it? You decide, you plan, you execute and there it is perfection at its best. Only if life was so simple. Because as maturity takes over childlike immaturity and reality takes over dreamy illusions, you are greeted by the bitter truth of impossible perfection. Rather I will like to put it this way – ‘Perfection is overrated’. May be what we need is pleasure not perfection, what we need is enjoyment and satisfaction. By saying so, I am not against perfect things in life. Neither am I against the need to improve ourselves and be perfect in everything we do. But I feel unnecessary stress over perfection can take away the joy of doing things.

 Pondering over this brought me to the thought in title. Can I link mirage and perfection in the same sentence because that is how it truly feels? Or is it possible to achieve perfection like we reach the end point in a race? Can we be completely sure of reaching perfection or does something always seem amiss? It is not possible to define perfection in a clear manner. It is subjective to individualistic perception. In fact it is not even necessary to equate perfection for every single person and set a universal benchmark. To each his own is the rather suitable thought when it comes to it. The harm is not in investing efforts to get something as desired. The harm is when we extract all the fun from a task under the pretense of gaining perfection. Being perfect is not the ultimate measure of success. Ability to enjoy the process, find purpose in our efforts and follow passion with all our heart is the underlying theme here.

  Many a times, the need to be perfect blinds us in the journey. We are unable to take one step at a time and savor the process with an open approach. All our energy is drained to reach some non-existent milestone that takes away the fun while at it. It works as a joy-killer because it is difficult to embrace the present. Tuned to achieve perfection, we fail to appreciate the joy - right here, right now. Make perfection a target if the desire is to accomplish your tasks. Make it a priority in order to fulfill your responsibilities. But do not treat perfection as a measurement of your success. Because no matter how hard you try something somewhere will seem short. Though you may put in every possible drop of input from your end, somethings may change in an unexpected manner. It is not for nothing that we bring circumstances to the picture. Because situations can change at the most unexpected moments, it is essential to factor them too. No wonder there is lot of weight-age to the saying ‘Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst’. With all this significance to circumstances, it is only essential to change our perception towards perfection. As long as we consider it as a guiding light towards the final deadline, we are good to go. But unfortunately, if we turn obsessive to be perfect come what may, the experience is not so memorable to say the least.

 You may not be perfect at everything. Or you may not be perfect at all. Nothing to worry as long as you work hard and follow your dreams with a positive outlook. There is always room for criticism. Even if you believe to be perfect, there are people who may not consider it so. There can be judgments and critical analysis to your rather perfect work. Because there are no tests to measure perfection or no certification methods to judge perfection in any form, it wouldn’t be incorrect to compare it to a mirage. You believe to touch it down the line, but fail to do so in reality. Don’t aspire to be perfect, rather aspire to be better version of yourselves every passing day. 

 We may not realize it but often the madness to reach the so-called perfection may turn us insensitive towards others. In the rat race to do everything perfectly, we may hurt our loved ones in the process. There can be hidden instances of jealousy, hatred or anger under the pretext of demanding perfection. As long as we take charge and understand the consequences, there is nothing to worry about. It is only when things take an ugly turn towards compulsive perfection, the end results can be disappointing. At the end, it is important to clear out our goals. Is it happiness we seek for our happy minds or the unrealistic target of perfection for our pompous ego?

 All these thoughts prompt me to link perfection to mirage. What is important is to enjoy what our heart says. Follow dreams because they leave a long-lasting experience of happiness. Perfect or imperfect does not matter, what matters is you stayed true to your efforts with a positive attitude.

While I leave you with these words, I will like to hear your stand too.

Unrealistic like a mirage or absolutely real like painted signs on the road- what is your take on perfection?

Anticipation- the slow joy-killer

   

  Let me start this post by defining the term ‘anticipation’ in order to be in the same boat, moving forward. The state of excitement while looking forward to an event in the future or an act of expectation to hope things work out as planned gives rise to the big A of anticipation. It relates both to desirable and undesirable situations and to happy and feared events, making it a universal word in every circumstance. We spend a lot of time anticipating/thinking/dreaming about the big day, only to realize it goes away in a matter of few minutes. On the other hand, if it is something we are fearful about, we prepare/plan/worry and it passes away quickly. Doesn’t it happen often? You are planning a big vacation to some exotic location. You plan, read, research, book, think, and get excited days in advance only to realize the actual vacation was so short. Or you are worried to face the final examination and spend more time worrying about it, while it was not so scary, after all?

   It is good to be excited about a future event. It is extremely essential to prepare ourselves for the big day. And last but not the least, it is important to don our thinking hats and plan every detail to avoid last minute confusion or disappointment. But do we overdo it sometimes, squeezing away all the fun before it actually happens? Do we anticipate a lot in advance, only to realize the loud noise in our heads was totally unnecessary? I cannot talk on your behalf, but I am definitely guilty as charged. I understand the habit of over-anticipation may be one of the primary reasons of not extracting joy in the here and now. 

  After practicing the interesting mantra of ‘living in the present’, I have sudden realization that anticipation may be unnecessary to a certain extent. I am not against preparation or planning. I understand the significance of being excited for that happy event, while looking forward to the big day with every possible ounce of energy. It motivates and pumps up enthusiasm to keep us geared towards the final sense of joy. But can anticipation turn into a forceful habit that can kill the happiness much before it occurs? This post is an attempt to find out.

Do share your agreement/disagreement over it. Do you or do you not anticipate? Are you strong enough to shut your mind from imagining the worst case scenarios? Are you focused enough to not fear about the final test, while investing every possible effort into the project in hand? When I think about anticipation, I sense lot of thoughts building up to the situation. There is overflow of what to expect, what can happen, how exciting will it turn out, what could go wrong, what could go as planned etc. etc. There is no harm if anticipation takes the form of preparation. But there is harm in expecting too much and not enjoying it when it actually unfolds. What is the need to know how it may turn out, when you cannot predict the future? Why do we fear going with the flow? Why do we imagine/predict/expect/anticipate? Is it our own little way of preparing our mind and making us feel more ‘in-control’? Can anticipations empower us to extract more fun or do they disturb the actual happiness by creating prejudices?

So many questions, so little answers! If I should answer these rising doubts, my think-tank points towards a proper balance between planning and enjoying. There is no need to predict every possible detail because it will only kill the real happiness. Go with the flow and take things as they come. While as humans it is necessary to plan and be prepared, at the same time, we shouldn’t be overdoing it. We cannot plan happiness, we cannot plan failures, we cannot prevent disasters; we cannot create forced success beyond our control. Then, why do we anticipate so much? Why imagine happiness in our heads rather than allowing surprises to work its magic?

To stay away from too-much anticipation, here is a list of possible ill side effects. They can act as reminders to my wandering mind who enjoys the first opportunity to anticipate!

1.       Anticipations act as slow joy-killers because the tendency of thinking too much in advance takes away pleasure of the actual event.

2.       It prompts one to imagine all the worst case scenarios, creating unnecessary fear for something that does not need over-thinking.

3.       It can take away the fun if we expect too much about something, rather going with the flow will prevent disappointment.

4.       Anticipation in every kind of situation may turn into a habit, forcing one to think under the disguise of ‘being prepared’.

5.       It takes away precious time of the present, running as unnecessary distraction in the background.

6.       Unnecessary anticipation known to yield no good output does not deserve our attention. Rather than essential actions such as planning and preparation that is definitely essential – anticipation can take form of daydreaming and imagining, good for nothing but distraction.

7.       Everything happens for a reason, going with the flow and embracing everything with an open attitude is the need of the hour. Anticipation does not take away the pain or prepare us for failures, then what is the use? Why worry?

8.       Anticipation can increase restlessness, fear and anxiety to create too much out of nothing. In case of happy events, it can create a larger than life image and make us disappointed if things do not go as per plan. Quitting anticipation is the perfect way to avoid unnecessary pressure.

9.       Avoiding anticipation is like creating room for surprises. It is living with a clean slate and being excited about what comes next. Sure, it may not go as desired but is it worth spending precious moments in present for something far ahead into the future?

   After starting this strong determination to avoid anticipation, I am still not there yet. There are vulnerable moments where I jump into over-anticipation and ruin the desire to not do so. But then again, improvements need practice. Here is to less anticipations, more mindfulness, less expectations, more openness because anticipations are nothing but slow joy-killers.

 What is your take over it? Do you believe anticipations help you prepare better or do they kill your joy too?

Old-school habits die hard

    I do not intend to sound old while I frame this post, but all the buzz of New Year and new beginnings has tempted me to think over old and new. Days and years pass by, bringing new techniques over the obsolete past. For example, who had imagined an ‘all in one’ smartphone will start to rule our lives in every possible way. From being our traditional phone for communication to being our camera for those much needed selfies, from providing a calendar to notepad, calculator to diary, entertainment screen to encyclopedia, it has invaded many aspects to dominate over every role. Amidst the smartness of this intimidating smartphone, it is difficult to stay true to our roots. And smartphones are not alone in plotting these monopolies, they are joined by e-books, tablets, netbooks and numerous other interesting gadgets whose sole aim is absolute dependency. 

   Having said this, I do enjoy the convenience of their smartness. The innovative solutions offered by technological conveniences only make it easy for us to march ahead. Yet, there is a little old-school self in me who refuses to quit some of the old habits. No matter how convenient, time-saving and easy it is to swipe a gadget and accomplish few tasks, I still prefer the old-school style for those actions.

  While following these actions in daily routine, I was tempted to write a little something about them to celebrate their continuity. Call it being true to ‘tried and tested’ formulas or finding contentment in preserving tradition, the underlying essence of old habits is to do something you love for the joy of simplicity. There is nothing wrong in adopting new style or rather it is absolutely correct to try out new trends for progress. But there is some magic in preserving few old techniques. If one can balance the innovative essence of future with a little charm of good, old past- the resulting outcome is nothing but a ‘joyous and happy present’.  

 Stay with me as I take you over some of my old school habits with a big smile. Shout out a big ‘yes’ if it resonates with you too or write back your disagreement if it seems too outdated for your taste. In either case, I will learn how old are my old-school habits, anyway?

1.       Can’t bid good-bye to my dear notebook

 I may not be writing a lot in my notebook, thanks to the digital notebook right in front of my eyes at this moment, I still maintain a physical book for my happiness. With dependence over laptop, the purpose of this physical notebook is more sentimental than practical, but I still need it. This notebook is like a trusted go-to friend in any and every situation. And though I may hardly use it for practical purposes, all the valuable scribbling enters right into without any second doubts. It gives me the feeling of preserving my thoughts because I seem to trust physical words over the virtual ones on screen. Or it may just be an unreasonable old me who thinks writing in a book is more real than typing on screen. Whatever be the reason, I cannot bid good-bye to my dear notebook. It is my companion since three years now. In light of the need to avoid paper wastage, I do not use the pages often, but its presence is comforting.

2.       Dear physical calendar - smiling on the wall

I strongly believe this post will turn embarrassing by the time I type the last word, but again happy to admit. Though that tiny, little, cute calendar on my phone is doing an incredible job, it cannot replace the physical calendar on the wall. And I don’t print it out just to keep a copy, but if luck shines bright every year, I manage to get one and it reaches the same dedicated spot. I realize the trend of physical calendars will stop soon, in that case I will be happy with the memories.

3.       Whiteboard -where reminders get real!

Nothing says “Urgent, need attention” like the words scribbled over our whiteboard on the refrigerator. No matter how many reminders are neatly noted on my phone, only the ones on the whiteboard make it to the finish line. It does the same job like the typed ones, in fact the convenience of reminders on the go is much useful than the physical board at home, yet there is lot of seriousness when you read “RENT/BILL or GET MILK” on the board over the automated reminders over emails.

4.       Touch books- touch knowledge

This little incident can be recorded in world history as the most unbelievable reality but I actually refused an anniversary gift from dear husband! I must be one of the rarest women to do so, but I happily rejected an e-book reader to preserve the affectionate love for physical books. Though I don’t buy books and only borrow them from the library, I cannot agree to the concept of e-book readers just yet. I am sure I will have to change the outlook for easier, convenient and possibly the only means of reading in the future, but till then I am not willing to part away from words that stand true on pages.

5.       The serious sight of the pen stand

The fact that pens are hardly used today is a sad reality for our present and future. But it is also good to avoid excessive usage of paper, wastage of trees and unnecessary documentation that can be recorded virtually. Hence I am totally on-board to reduce usage of paper except that one notebook with me since three years. But talking of the pen stand whose sight makes me feel serious and responsible, I am happy to place it on my table. It holds pens that are years and years old and received as gifts, but their being there is just comforting to the old-school mind. It feels as if you are excited to meet new people and build new friendships, but not without the support of your dear old buddies.

Things like these need sentimental point of view over practicality. Though I am happy about the old school habits, I realize the need to keep upgrading myself in order to adapt to the circumstances. Yet, you can always preserve some habits of your old- school self as a souvenir to your beautiful memories.

What do you think- should you follow some of the old habits just for your mind or should you walk away from these sentiments for a much practical outlook?

‘Here and now’ over ‘there and then’

Being 'here and now' helps! That's how I could capture this beautiful view right out of my window, while tuned to my usual routine of just another day :) 

  There is something inspiring about a new beginning that drives us to stay true to beneficial changes. Another way of saying – ‘New Year is the perfect opportunity to make resolutions’. Now, I am yet to test the power of my determination because like most of you, my New Year resolutions disappear into thin air by the second or third week of the month. But there is no harm in making attempts and when life throws in sunshine, why not bask under the glory for a short-while?

  Keeping this determination alive, I am prompted to be ‘here and now’ rather than being ‘there and then’. Why this trick game with prepositions, you ask? Or why this sudden inclination towards ‘Zen’ like experiences?  The answer lies in an unexplainable form of happiness derived in the span of short moments. In the usual race of life, we tend to live less and worry more. If you break down the actual active moments of your life – you realize most of them are spent in anticipation of what happens next? And for those of you who seek some form of assurance in memories- it is spent in evaluating the past. It applies to both the good and bad. If we are planning for a joyous event or looking forward to a fun trip- our mind takes us on several imaginative rides before it actually happens. On the other hand, if we are about to embark a new project, we think about all the possible ‘worst-case’ scenarios under the pretext of ‘being prepared’. But is there a need for all of this? Can we make an attempt of not thinking and just doing? Is it possible to live in the moment rather than imagining days, weeks or months ahead without any reality quotient?

  This is an open question without any right/wrong answers. What it needs is a determination to be where you are supposed to be. Why worry about something way ahead into the future when you know things may not work as per your imagination? Why be happy about that upcoming party before it actually happens and squeeze out all the juice? 

   I agree being ‘here and now’ or taking everything that the present has to offer is not as simple as resolving to spend more time with family or promising to call your friends more often. It is much more complicated and fails due to the complex nature of our mind. The ability to think, analyze, process and experience makes our mind quite different at every level. It cannot ‘not think’ and ‘just live’ for it has many responsibilities to its name. Also, I cannot possibly advocate just live because we need to process our life in an organized way to enjoy the opportunity. But, what I strongly believe is that we must make an attempt to think only when required. Do not imagine/worry/expect and assume things beyond your control. Plan as much as needed and leave the rest to the actual event. I am not sure how much of this resolution will work for me because I may end up jumping at the first opportunity to overthink. But all of this overthinking does more harm than good. It turns into a habit that drives you to avoid the present under the disguise of doing something constructive for the future. Rather, we can resolve to include a dedicated ‘planning’ slot in our schedule where we think about ‘to-do’ things for the future. Instead of distracting the present for the future, we must learn to be here and now. The ability to take the present moment in its complete stride prepares us to be truly happy.

  I realize a hint of philosophy in this concept because it is easier to preach but much difficult to follow. But since we must start somewhere, I resolve to be attentive to the present. By savoring every moment of our life with a conscious mind, we only add happiness to the journey. It is not possible to quit thinking or not worry about how things shape up. But it is still possible to embrace the good and bad with an open attitude. There is no alternative way to avoid tears, sorrow or disappointment. Being in the moment does not make one immune to every emotion. It only makes us more receptive to every experience with open arms.

   I believe being here and now is the way to enjoy life as it unfolds. I am not against planning because that is the way to ensure smooth journey in our course. But I feel alien about overthinking how life will turn out to be? Why can’t we go with the flow and experience things in the raw form in the way they are meant to be? Why imagine, analyze, fear, worry, bother about a future event only to spoil the reality of present. Living in the past or dreaming about the future is the perfect way to escape the present. No wonder it turns into a good escape route to avoid all the chaos of here and now. 

  

  Live in the moment to understand how everything is important for our being. Focus on the things within our reach rather than regret at a later stage. The classic example of this reality is our school life. When we struggle with studies in school, we dream of being independent and free as adults and not worry about exams. But only when that reality stands right in front, we miss all those carefree moments of childhood. Though we would know it right then and there that adult life will bring its own baggage, we cannot resist thinking about freedom. This thought process translates to every situation in our journey where we assume happiness on the other side of the bridge, while failing to observe the bridge as we go.

I believe constant reminders can prompt my mind to focus on the present and stay in the moment, though it will want to do everything otherwise. While it will definitely depend on the situation, it is important to be here and now as much as possible.

 What is your take on the thought? Will you elect more planning and less living? Is over-analysis an essential activity on your to-do list or will you leave it to time? Does it make you feel in control when you plan every single detail or do you believe in the surprise element of circumstances?

Avoiding the unavoidable- Say ‘NO’ to comparison

   Yes, it sounds like some sort of campaign; and yes, I wanted it to be just that. Campaigns have a strong track record of success because bombarding someone using the same set of authoritative words again and again does seem to work. It instills the essence of reminders, making someone at least conscious and aware, if not being able to make them follow to the T. This campaign of saying no to comparison is a style of reminding myself that comparing with others is absolutely incorrect. I cannot speak on your behalf but I can confess with certainty that comparisons do tempt me to put myself in that particular situation. I do not do it as a ‘to-do’ task in hand, but I am guilty of flowing in a stream that eventually leads to comparison. There is no jealousy involved, but temptation to correlate situations with those around.

 I completely agree it is pointless to compare myself with someone or draw parallel to someone’s life because each one of us is in a different boat, sailing over totally different ocean; but like they say if our mind was so sane and matured, we would be great human beings today. So while that greatness is illusion to say the least, I can at least do something to say no to certain ill aspects and a big yes to happiness.

Thus, if you haven’t figured it out yet, the campaign in title is my attempt to ponder the why, what and how to avoid comparisons. Why is there a thrill to see what we have or what we don’t? What is the motive behind thinking about where we stand against where others are? One thing is certain these comparisons aren’t about materialistic factors. I am sure we all are way beyond petty comparisons about assets or materials. But, the comparisons in our mind often correlate with where one stands or what stage of life one reaches?

 This concept of comparison has been dancing around in our society since the past. We tend to label it with fancy terms like ‘motivation’, ‘inspiration’, or ‘positive thinking’, but somehow we often fall into the pit of comparison. I agree with the beneficial effects of motivation by looking at inspirational real-life examples from people around us, but I do not understand direct linking between person A and person B. “Do this, because person X has done it” or “Look at person Y, he has achieved this, why can’t you?” Sometimes, it is necessary to push little kids in order to get them going, but comparisons between two individuals never seem to work. We can put a complete stop to such kind of comparisons in open, in fact no one ever does this anymore. But what about that little speaker in our head. How do you deal with the judgmental voice in your mind who jumps at every opportunity to compare with someone? We may not be doing it purposely but unconsciously at some level we tend to correlate, extrapolate and look at how it fits into our picture. Again, if you are one of the matured individuals who never ever does this, I salute and urge you to share your amazing secret with us. But if you are someone who does it in the background without realizing - well buddy, join the club!

  Each one of us has a timeline, agenda, schedule chart or priority of our own. Call it our unique journey or novel path, it is impossible to run parallel along with someone else. As a society we do follow certain guidelines for our major life events ascending from step to step. But again, exceptions do work or ‘so-called’ rules can be modified. The goal is not to tick off a level and reach the next one as part of a game, but the underlying aim should be pure happiness. I understand not everyone may agree with these views. I also understand our elders are forced to enter into some sort of comparison mode to remind us of our goals. Hence, we may not be able to defend ourselves against something that arises out of pure concern, but we can stop from hurting our own mind whenever these comparisons are crafted from within. Why will we want to fall into self-pity or feelings of sorrow by linking ourselves with someone else? As far as we know the reason behind why and what we do, there is no scope to compare and spend our time in sadness.

I could go on and on about why comparisons are incorrect. In fact now as I read it, I am surprised how do I even think about comparisons in the first place? But the problem lies in losing such high level of maturity at that one vulnerable moment when everything breaks down and comparisons seem realistic, drawing us more and more into self-pity. I believe it activates some kind of philosophical mode that makes us think more and understand less.

So dear mind, while I can’t predict when you will start your sail into the waters of comparison, I am sure I can pull you back with one important question. Next time you are tempted to push me into comparisons, kindly answer the following to win the right to take me ahead,

“Does the comparison equate at every level?  This does not mean equating age, gender, family, city, upbringing, lifestyle or interests. Because the answer could easily be a strong ‘Yes’, but are our priorities, situations, responsibilities, goals and outlook exactly the same like the person in comparison?”

  It can never be! This will be enough to help us avoid the unavoidable. Say ‘No’ to useless comparisons because life was, is and will never be a race. Sure, someone will get something much before us, will achieve something totally unique, and will seem to ascend life stages at certain age bracket, but how does that seem to bother you? Is success universal or it is personal? Can we consider ourselves successful if we fulfill 100% of societal expectations or when we achieve 100% of our personal goals? Because both of this can never be the same, you will have to pick one.

  Each one of us has our own experience book in hand- as long as you can answer your dreams, face yourself in the mirror with a smile and achieve happiness as planned, why bother?

When you end up falling into that same pit, you avoided all along!

   

  

   I will not blame you if you assume this post shall talk about pot holes on road. Because though the menace of pot holes and pits is a real life problem on any and every part of the globe, this post intends to borrow it in a metaphorical sense. In order to enjoy the post, I will request you to engage your power of imagination. Because there are no real pits or potholes in our plot, rather some figurative blunders of our behavior. Though actual pits on road can form an interesting topic in the future, for now let us concentrate on those annoying downfalls in life. The magical ability to create and recreate the same set of errors from the past into the present has tempted me to write a long post and ponder. What tempts me to make the same mistakes over and over again? Or why do I end up entering into the same danger zone that I so carefully mark out in bold letters?

  I realize I can blame this tendency to make mistakes as an in-built feature and move on, but then we just have one life to live. Should we spend it creating blunders that hurt us or should we remind ourselves to take charge? These mistakes may not involve other people because we all tend to take utmost care when dealing with those around us. Never in our wildest dreams, do we think about hurting our people or creating blunders with their feelings and dealings. But when it comes to our own little mind whom we take for granted, we end up making every possible kind of mistake. Quite often, our mind is hurt by our actions and reactions but we fail to take notice. The inability to respond to its voice turns into a habit, while we easily assume everything is good. Until one day, the pressure mounts to a great extent. The point of loving ourselves is often disregarded as a selfish deed. We fail to place our mind as a priority because there are multiple factors to take care of. Taking care of our responsibilities and handling them is not the fault at hand, but assuming we can ignore our own happiness is the pit in question.

 The pit in title refers to all the ill actions of our doing that are absolutely momentary. Be it anger, jealously, guilt, temper, irritation, tendency to compare ourselves with others – such feelings arise in heat of the moment. After the tide passes, we fail to believe how could we start it all in the first place? It is easy to blurt out philosophical thoughts under the perfect frame of mind. We can differentiate the good deeds from the bad, when we sit calmly with a pen in hand. The trouble is never about not knowing what is hurtful, the trouble is not knowing how to stand against momentary temptations that hurt. In one ill moment of fight or argument, it is so easy to bundle up all our sane thoughts and discard them into some faraway bin; only to find them magically next to us within minutes or hours after the situation improves. True maturity is not in knowing how to behave when everything is calm and smooth, but knowing how to hold our feelings in rough waters. It does not mean suppressing our thoughts or holding the anger deep within, but releasing it out in a healthy way. It does not take much time for the situation to improve, but it takes a lot of time for spoiled relations and bad memories to recover from the effects.

  All talks and no actions will not change the blunder in title. Because my pondering is just like the sane thoughts I described above. Easy to write when calm, but difficult to follow when upset. Hence for those upsetting times when I am proudly falling into the same pit, here are some quick-fix steps to be performed right away. Hopefully they stop my foot at the most crucial moment! Do provide your version if you can suggest more ‘tried and tested’ doable alternatives.

Step 1: Identity the problem, accept the fact that is hurts you and stay quiet. There is no need to explain yourself right away.

Step 2: Take deep breathes till the restlessness is released.

Step 3: Find three good things in such a situation- it is similar to counting your blessings because for every bad thing in life, we are blessed with something spectacularly good.

Step 4: Quit thinking immediately. No matter how tempted you are to list down everything incorrect in your life from the day you were born, shut those thoughts right away. It is something in the air that entices us at the wrong moment, but learn to say no.

Step 5: Ignore the feelings right now, save the lessons for a later date – ignore your momentary feelings irrespective of how strongly you care about them. Analyze the situation after the situation cools down.

Step 6: Laugh at the possibility of yet another blunder- accepting your tendency of attracting trouble like a magnet will help to clear your mind and make peace with your life.

Step 7: Watch something funny or watch mindless comedy. This is my universal solution for every trouble- when in a sad state, watch something that makes no sense at all!

 Whether these steps will succeed in the mission to prevent another fall will be decided in the future. Probably, when the stars align to give yet another tricky situation, I will find myself digging into the diary for few last-minute tips.

 What is your take when you see trouble dancing right in front of your beautiful eyes? Do you give into the temptation or save yourself from expected sorrows, hatred and roller coaster of emotions? Share your ideas to prevent falling into that same old pit, yet again!

Together we can build roads that last and clear pits that harm. Well, agreed it sounds more like a local community welfare or governmental body tagline, but I hope you get the message! 

How to think your way to happiness- the think tank guide to DOs and DON’Ts of thinking

   

   As I write this title, I am amazed at myself because normally I wouldn’t advocate the action of ‘thinking’. With passing years and growing experiences, I have realized the ills of over-thinking are way beyond the thrills of appropriate thinking. And since the line between necessary and unnecessary thoughts is extremely thin it is possible to cross the limit into an unknown territory quite easily. I do not know about you but I can strongly say I have wandered into this off-limit zone more times than needed. 

 The dangers of over-thinking pull you into some kind of vortex that spins around until you struggle to come out totally confused. Think about one thing and chances are you will jump from one thought to the other at a pace faster than the fastest rocket launched from our planet. That is the power of thinking. It can keep you engaged for hours and hours without any productive output of even a single minute. It is not for nothing that they created the great phrase ‘Empty mind is devil’s workshop’. 

But, does that mean we should quit thinking? 

Does it mean only work and no thoughts? 

Does it imply we should perform thoughtless actions?

Or does it say we should control our thinking?

 All of these questions poke my mind quite often hence I was tempted to pen them down and see if I can reach some good answers. This guide is more of an experimental contemplation to understand productive thinking. It is my way to walk one step closer to the world of good thoughts. I cannot assume foolproof results because thinking seems to know no bounds, but as I make the first attempt, I can be assured of a better approach towards life. Read on while I create a guide-book for the confused thinker in me. Do add your feedback at the end to see if we can think well together. If you belong to the over-thinking clan, I am sure you may see the need to pen it down loud and clear. While if you are a successful follower of practicality and laugh at people like us who think, think and only think- share some tips, dear good mate!

   You cannot discard the act of thinking as useless. After all, that is our unique feature empowering us with the ability to understand, consider, prosper, develop and make good decisions for ourselves. Our mind is the factory of intelligence, generating beneficial ideas and thoughts day in and day out. Hence the problem does not lie in productive thinking, it lies in unnecessary thoughts that end up creating a bubble around us. It is more like a self-created giant maze capable of dragging you deeper and deeper into dense network of lanes. One excellent rule-of-thumb is if you can translate your ideas into actions within a reasonable duration of time, go for it. But if your thoughts are only magnets to more and more similar thoughts, quit it immediately. It may seem to generate numerous ideas in your basket but it will ultimately end with nothing concrete. That is why they often say think about the present. If you think about the past, you will end up digging deeper into every possible good memory to hit upon something bad. As situations and circumstances change, a happy past may make you sad with reference to the present. On the other hand, thinking about the future years and years from today suffers from similar mismatch of circumstances. It does not mean we cannot think of a good situation for the future or hope for one but it also means we should be prepared for all possible last-minute changes.

  Now let’s move to my little guide on dos and don’ts of thinking:

The DOs

1.       As mentioned earlier, do think about ideas that convert into actions- within an hour, day or month from now.

Maximum duration of two-three months is acceptable but thinking about something a year from today is like building castles in the air. As long as you smile for a minute while dreaming about the future, it looks perfectly cute; but if you end up worrying, doubting, and thinking about every possible thing that can go wrong (like it always does), the entire exercise is utter waste of precious time.

2.       Do think about your happiness, passion, interests and desires

Devote time to think about what makes you happy. This form of happiness will radiate joy to those around you. It does not promote selfish behavior rather the desire to choose happiness over other unnecessary things. Once you think about it, convert those thoughts into actions. Plan trips, pursue your hobbies, and enjoy your passion to ensure unlimited stock of vitamin H.

3.       Do think about your loved ones and say hello

This form of thought should not end by simply counting your blessings for their love and support. It should mean saying hi and letting them know you think about them. Whether it means shouting across the house to say how you feel or calling a person miles away, it can mean sending a quick message to your family member in another country or walking to your neighbor next door, the idea is to act on your thoughts.

4.       Do think about the goodness of your day

Every day is a drama in itself. There are happy, sad, annoying, exciting, interesting, irritating moments that can sum up the eventful duration of 24 hours. Some days are just usual, while some are more colorful. The idea is to be grateful for the colorful aspects with an aim to draw pleasure from living. It may not be as perfect as you imagined, but it will definitely deliver truck load of happiness with joyful memories. Thank the day for all its highlights and work a bit harder tomorrow to overcome the lowlights.

The DON’TS

1.       Don’t think about the past

          It is over, gone, completed, finished, exhausted- insert whichever word you wish to but the reality is past is not here anymore. Think about happy memories and smile for a minute, but that is all. Don’t try to analyze, overreact, contemplate or understand about everything that happened before because there are no right or wrong answers. This helps to conquer vacation blues after you return back because you do not allow your mind to just sit and think. How, why, what, when of a past incident whether good or bad will give you a one-way entry into misery- good luck coming out! 

2.       Don’t think about what people think

       That is their job not yours! This one sentence should make you understand. What and why people think some things about you is beyond your territory. It is not in your scope of work so why do you even try? No matter how well you explain and justify, it is not possible to force your perspective over others. What you see is way different from what others do. Your decision to make certain choices, believe in something, follow a particular route or prioritize one thing over the other cannot resonate with others. It is your life at the end. Do seek advice, listen to opinions, and network with people for knowledge, but do not enter into a trip of what people shall think about you. To every person who thinks you did the right thing, there is another person who thinks you are absolutely wrong. Call it law of universe, but that is how it works.

3.       Don’t think about comparisons, jealously and hatred

       Comparison is a much bigger sin than we consider it to be. What is the point of comparing with anyone around you when you are in a different race altogether? Each one of us have to live our own life then why draw comparisons with peers, friends or neighbors? Comparison sows seeds of jealousy that spreads quickly like a weed. There is no end to it from there on. You will only be tempted to think about everything that is wrong with you because someone will appear to get everything perfect. But what we fail to realize is every person has a different story that we know nothing about. Just because you see something on the surface does not mean you are qualified to start drawing conclusions.

4.       Don’t think about a future timeline in terms of years  

       We cannot predict every single minute of our tomorrow then how can we possibly know about the future, years from now? Agreed, our actions of today shape the foundation for tomorrow. This makes it essential to behave good, work hard, and incorporate a positive attitude. But how does plain thinking help? We know ourselves well to have confidence in our efforts but we cannot arrange a good circumstance by the power of our thoughts alone.  We must and should concentrate on things in our hand today.

         I agree it is easier to say this when we think coolly about the subject. It is difficult to maintain such high level of maturity when we get carried away in the flow of our thoughts. The resistance to say no to over-thinking falls short in several situations, making it impossible to win over endless chain of thoughts. But like everything else, this approach demands determination. The decision to quit useless thinking will pave way to a permanent change in behavior and you will surprised by the change!

       Do send your opinion if you agree and don’t shy away if you disagree. Should you or should you not think is the question in hand. 

      

      What does your guide-book say?

8 things to-do when you hit a block

   

   How often have you heard the phrase ‘Change is the only constant’? As humans, it is practically impossible to continue with our same set of chores day in, day out. Though this system of routine does impart a sense of stability and permanence that each one of us long for, it tends to bore us down with inefficiency and boredom. That is when a block comes into the picture. I did not pay much attention to blocks until I came across the term ‘Writer’s block’. As a creative artist, it is quite natural to hit a plateau where one cannot generate new ideas as desired. And though this term often applies to arts than technical fields, it is relevant to almost all areas of life. Be it career or relationships, lifestyle or passion, general daily routine or our social responsibilities, we can hit a block in almost any and every aspect.

  The concept of writer’s block prompted me to dig deep into the matter when I realized blocks should not be resented or despised. In fact blocks are essential to instill new ideas and enthusiasm. Agreed none of us will feel like welcoming these blocks to halt our creativity and hamper with our work, but they do turn into blessing in disguise if we learn to use them for our good. Rather than wasting time over why and what about blocks, we must invest in updating our skills. If we change our attitude, we can see their role as teachers. After all, only when our flow of work or routine is blocked do we make an attempt to improve ourselves.

Avoiding blocks voluntarily by trying out something new is one thing but how often does that feeling arise from within? If you are one of those who take charge of improving much before hitting a block, take a bow because such level of dedication for your own good is seldom found. But no matter how hard you try, if these blocks do enter into your way, treat them as wake-up alarms for action.

 Blocks are hurdles that prevent you from moving forward. They can pour feelings of doubt, anxiety, restlessness and disappointment, making you believe in your inability. It can also prompt you to quit your work or task in hand that will only invite permanent sorrow.

 So, is there a way out? Is it possible to convert blocks into opportunities? And can one look at blocks as temporary hurdles rather than high unattainable mountain peaks?

 Digging into some ‘to-do’ ideas to tackle these blocks. These actions are a mix of instant solutions, long-term approaches, elaborate methods and quick-fixes. Do share the action plan from your diary. We all attend to blocks in our own specific way. The path may differ but at the end we are and should be able to handle it for our own eternal happiness that matters over anything else.

1.       Take long silent walks

These work the best to clear out your mind and avoid distracting thoughts. Walks help to prioritize your ideas and find a solution from a state of stagnancy. Blocks arise when the same chain of ideas keep repeating over and over again. It is important to remove them from the system and think different.

2.       Abort the thinking right away

This may sound impossible since our aim is to find a solution. But when you hit a block of stagnancy, the first thing to do is quit thinking at all. Distract yourself into some other activity that is completely unrelated to your line of work. Thinking over and over again is like riding a bike over a circular route. When you realize thinking is not productive, you will reach half way to the destination. Blocks arise by excessive procrastination, contemplation and unnecessary analysis.

3.       Look around for inspiration

We fail to realize but our immediate surrounding is an exceptional source of inspiration. We are programmed to look far and wide, imparting significance to something that is beyond our reach. But when you are receptive to people, surrounding, resources, nature and things around you, it can motivate in unimaginable ways. Listen to ideas floating in the air, hear out experiences and thoughts from people, seek guidance from someone in the same boat, read, research and watch things in your domain, you will be amazed by the result.

4.       Seek a by-pass route

When you do the same task regularly, you need some alternate methods. Engage in some new actions that are different from your everyday work but will ultimately take you to the same destination. There are different methods of doing the same thing. The idea is to achieve the same output but with some minor changes to the routine.

5.       Same thought, different surrounding

Now though we said thinking hard is not really productive, we can return to it when the mood is right. And how do we judge that? When thinking seems less of a demanding task and more of a feel-good activity to seek a solution, the time is right. Our location plays an important role in generating new ideas. Hence a change in the surrounding can help a lot. Visit some place close or far, travel wherever and whenever you can or simply sit few feet away from your usual work desk, the effects will surprise you.

6.       Quit planning, pay attention to the present

Often when are overwhelmed by lack of ideas to clear the block, we end up worrying about the future. As the present problem seems too big, it is quite natural to doubt the road ahead. This can force us to make unrealistic plans and think way ahead from where we stand today. Such times demand a more ‘live in the moment’ approach. You can resume your usual planning after things are better but that very discouraging moment demands less of worrying and more of simple tasks, one step at a time.

7.       Accept the block and write to-do lists

This should be the first step when you sense a block. Instead of being in denial and justifying your lack of creativity, accept the impending sense of boredom and stagnancy. Following this, organize your ideas and action plan. Often it helps to list down actions but again only the short-term ones. Do not get carried away to make long-term plans and enter into a spiral of self-doubt once again.

8.       Get hold of your favorite stress-buster

Playing with kids or watching comedy programs? Drinking coffee or eating cake? Singing on top of your voice in the bathroom or pretending to dance well? Find your favorite stress-buster and engage into it instantly. Block is one form of stress in disguise. It needs an outlet to remove the steam, release the boredom and get back in an enlightened, happy way.

  It sounds practical when we use words such as ‘to-do’. Do something to overcome the block. Hitting a plateau is quite common, we see our favorite actors, performers, authors and sports personalities in similar kind of situations. But not doing anything about it is the confirmed killer of talent. Try something inspiring each time you hit the block and may be your new skill set will read ‘expert in dealing with blocks’!