Is this my ‘wake-up' call?

   

      I cannot claim to be a superwoman and state that the diagnosis did not shake me or I cannot declare that everything was sailing smoothly in a magical way. I had my share of “Why me?” questions or “God is annoyed with me” statements while struggling to make peace with the news. But, I always believe that looking back at the journey does not change the experience in any way so this blog post is not about moving behind but focusing ahead. Rather, it is about focusing on the present moment because that is all I can claim to be mine.

     So with this, as I started a new journey under a different light, I was sure to make the most of it in a positive way. Dark moments are just as natural as light moments. I cannot eliminate them completely from my path, but I can certainly control my actions and reactions over them.

    This brings us to the title. We often take life for granted because it is bestowed upon us as a free gift. Slowly and steadily, as we struggle over its path with a hope to find our destination, we experience the true meaning of life. With this experience I have realized that life is meant to be enjoyed and experienced, one moment at a time.

      We plan too much into the future without having the slightest idea of what lies ahead or we live in the past wondering about what went wrong or cursing our fate in every possible way. I am not sure if I can include you all in the above accusation, but I am definitely guilty to the core. Jumping into the future or sticking to the past was my way of dealing with the current situation in the present, spreading unnecessary fears and worries along my way.

      It is only after life gives you a major reason when you choose to think, contemplate, analyze and draw sense out of something that was never thought about. Hence, instead of looking at it as a diseased condition or life-threatening situation, I choose to look at it as my very own personalized ‘wake-up’ alarm. A wake-up call that has woken my up to live life the way it is meant to be. I am certainly sure it has forced me to value every single moment of my life journey.  It does not mean that I have mastered the art of living, but it definitely means there is positive transformation one way or the other.

The ‘C’ card:

      Few months into the treatment pushed me towards playing the ‘C’ card as my perfect sympathetic move. From demanding outside food whenever and wherever to being lazy at home about any task, from justifying my mismanagement to being selfish about everything, I was comfortably satisfied in the ‘C’ zone. Just when I felt it was absolutely ‘right’ to do so, my four primary care-givers pulled me out at the right time – two who gave me birth, one who ‘acts’ as if she gave me birth and one who has promised to celebrate that birth year after year.

  The ‘amazing’ parents: I do not know how they do it but according to them, every situation is manageable. They refused to look at me with pity or let me cry in vain. In my father’s words “Agreed you have 6 bad days in a month, but what about the remaining 24 normal ones?” or in my mother’s words “Who said you are any different now?” Such words soak away any traces of sympathy and leave me astonished at their positivity and strength.

The ‘dashing’ sister: A girl who started ‘mothering’ me (if that is a word!) when she was only ‘3’, her words “You are strong, you have become more strong” makes me wonder where did she find this strength in me?

The ‘know-it-all’ husband: Two statements from my husband have proved that my condition has truly made him a ‘philosopher’! For me it was a wake-up call, but for him it was nothing less than a ‘career changing’ opportunity as I joke around about his capability to be a ‘doctor’ or a ‘philosopher’, just in case he is bored of being an ‘engineer’.

At numerous occasions when he wipes my tears rather agitated and irritated, his quote “If you do not fight for what you want, do not cry for what you lose” or “Consider your health condition as a ‘bowl’, whether you beg around with it or whether you choose to add some ingredients into it and feed yourself, the choice is yours.”

   Besides this, my numerous relatives and friends have prompted me to look at the positive side. Each one of them have refused to treat me any different, making me believe that nothing has changed. I am sorry I will not be able to write about each one of you individually or else the exceptional long length of my post will drive you away.

So, thank you dear ‘wake-up’ call, I am finally awake now.